Redskins 52, 49ers 17
Bit of a blowout, this one. You know a game's gotten out of hand when even LaVar Arrington gets some work -- at quarterback.
Steelers 27, Bengals 13
So the Bengals aren't quite ready for prime time yet. Or, to look at it another way, the Bengals' play was exceedingly Prime Time-esque, given their Deion Sanders-like aversion to tackling Pittsburgh running backs.
Lions 13, Browns 10
Detroiters who figured they were more likely to see Eminem's natural hair color than Joey Harrington's natural talent must have been overjoyed to see Jeff Garcia at quarterback, even before he delivered a win. Fortunately for Harrington, he's also an accomplished piano player, so he should be used to performing well while sitting on a bench.
Vikings 23, Packers 20
You know what winning a must-have game on a last-second field goal against a hated divisional rival means, right? Parrrr-tay! After promising management there'd be no more X-rated events on the water, the Vikings sneakily rent a hovercraft.
Colts 38, Texans 20
Houston probably thought it had come up with an ingenious way to avoid exposing serial sack-taker David Carr to the Colts' pass rush: avoid exposing him to passing attempts. Carr had four more throws (nine) than rushes (five) but, bless his heart, still found a way to get dropped five times. Just goes to show, you can't keep a good man, er, up.
Raiders 38, Bills 17
Good thing the Bills have a home in western New York where Buffalo roams, because all that Oakland provided for them was a place to get trampled for four rushing touchdowns.
Bears 10, Ravens 6
Given the good-defense, horrible-offense nature of both these teams, little wonder they combined for a lower score than Ryan Leaf's Wonderlic test result.
Rams 28, Saints 17
You probably won't see too many "Aaron Brooks Is God" signs around, but consider the similarities: They're both in charge of a bunch of Saints, and it is said of both that they giveth and they taketh away. In Brooks's case, he gaveth New Orleans hope for a win with two early touchdown passes before, um, he taketh it away with a late pick returned for a score.
Eagles 20, Chargers 17
Alarms went off in the stadium during the fourth quarter, but Eagles officials deny they were triggered by the team's 54-14 pass-to-run ratio. Okay, it's obvious that Andy Reid isn't a real big fan of running, but this is a little ridiculous.
Seahawks 13, Cowboys 10
After Drew Bledsoe's dreadful interception cost Dallas the game, irate teammates tossed him into a locker. Then to really punish Bledsoe, they locked Keyshawn in there with him.
Giants 24, Broncos 23
And so the maturation of Eli Manning continues. Not only did he take New York on a game-winning drive in the last 3 minutes 29 seconds, but earlier in the week, he finally started going to sleep without the aid of his trusty "Peyton Says Beddy-Byes" night light.
Cardinals 20, Titans 10
Injuries forced Tennessee to go to its third-string quarterback, Matt Mauck, who apparently would like to attend dental school when his NFL career is over. Titans fans wish he would start now, so he could help them through this season by getting ahold of some laughing gas.