Bears 20, Saints 17
Saints owner Tom Benson stayed away from this game in Baton Rouge, La., after claiming his visit the previous week was a "total disaster."
Okay, kids, pop quiz:
Which is Tom Benson's greatest need?
(a) A permanent home for his team.
(b) A personal security detail.
(c) A shred of perspective.
Bengals 21, Ravens 9
Since Baltimore is so intent on setting back offensive football several decades, why not just go all the way and completely abandon the forward pass? Anthony Wright and Kordell Stewart produced numbers Jamal Lewis can only dream of, rushing a combined six times for 66 yards. Bring on the wishbone!
Panthers 34, Buccaneers 14
Earlier in the week, Stephen Davis proclaimed he is the best Auburn running back currently in the NFL, but he only ran for 48 yards (albeit with two touchdowns). Still, that was enough to trump fellow alum Cadillac Williams's 29 yards. Davis must be very proud.
Falcons 17, Dolphins 10
They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but Michael Vick clearly didn't mind the balmy South Florida weather. A day after little brother Marcus got humbled by Miami's college team, Vick displayed unusual accuracy against the pro version, thereby restoring just a skosh of family honor.
Vikings 27, Lions 14
Brad Johnson got the start for Minnesota and acquitted himself well. Joey Harrington got the start for Detroit and was, well, not acquitted, at least not on the charge of "poorly impersonating a quarterback."
Chiefs 27, Raiders 23
With five seconds left, Dick Vermeil eschewed a chip-shot field goal to tie the game and went for the win, and he wound up looking crazy like a fox. That's a nice change from looking crazy like a guy who cries way, way more than a grown man ever should.
Giants 24, 49ers 6
Injuries forced San Francisco to start third-string quarterback Cody Pickett. Bit of an unfortunate name for a quarterback, is "Pickett." Kind of like a shooting guard named "Swattett" or a designated hitter named "Catchett." Now a hockey player named "Mullett" -- that would be perfect. (Incidentally, Pickett did throw an interception.)
Jaguars 21, Texans 14
Try quickly saying "pesky Texans" five times in a row. Now you have a sense of the surprising difficulty Jacksonville encountered beating a 1-7 team.
Chargers 31, Jets 26
The way LaDainian Tomlinson is playing, he's a lock to be the No. 1 pick in countless fantasy football drafts. And the way the Jets are playing, they've become a legitimate contender for the No. 1 pick in the only football draft that actually counts.
Browns 20, Titans 14
A few days after Reuben Droughns got busted for drunk driving, he piled up 189 yards and led the Browns to a win. Let's just hope he hires a chauffeur for his bandwagon.
Seahawks 33, Cardinals 19
Arizona lost again, but Neil Rackers managed to improve to 26 for 26 on field goals this season. It's a little early, but it seems safe to say: Neil Rackers is the greatest player in Cardinals history.
Steelers 20, Packers 10
Say one thing for the Packers -- they don't do things halfway. Case in point: For most NFL teams, the season is half over. For Green Bay, it's completely over.
Redskins 17, Eagles 10
Terrell Owens got to watch this one from home after being suspended by the Eagles for, among other things, dissing Donovan McNabb yet again. Attempting to make the best of an ugly situation, Campbell's Chunky Soup is introducing a new flavor, Beef With the QB.
-- Desmond Bieler
The answer, of course, is (c), as in "Can't someone tell this guy to shut up?"