Redskins 24, Rams 9
Beside just desperation to stay in the postseason hunt, the Redskins had good reason to show St. Louis no mercy. You see, Rams quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard, while Washington's most prominent resident is a Yale man. Take that, you cad! But as a nod to that resident, we'll go ahead and give Fitzpatrick a "gentleman's C" for his effort.
Ravens 16, Texans 15
How bad are the Texans? Apparently, they're so bad, they're capable of making Kyle "Pro" Boller look, well, not terrible. Okay, to give Boller credit, he actually figured out a way to advance the ball into the end zone -- run it in! Crafty Boller!
Cardinals 17, 49ers 10
Arizona shook off the potentially devastating loss of place kicker Neil Rackers, the Greatest Cardinal of All Time. Maryland's own Nick Novak came in and made all three of his field goal attempts, thus staking a strong claim to the mantle of Second-Greatest Cardinal of All Time.
Panthers 24, Falcons 6
To paraphrase ZZ Top, Michael Vick's got legs, but Atlanta doesn't know how to use them. To paraphrase Falcons fans forced to watch their team's listless offense, Zzzzz . . .
Dolphins 24, Bills 23
Buffalo's Lee Evans scored three touchdowns in the first 12 minutes, but he was hardly the only Lee on display in this game. As any Dolphin could tell you, they played incompetent-Lee ear-Lee, allowing things to temporari-Lee get ug-Lee before staging quite the ral-Lee.
Giants 17, Cowboys 10
I'd say the Giants' dominant defense had them looking like Big Blue again, but given their uniforms, they were more like Big Red. And as for that late pick offered up by Drew Bledsoe, two words: Juicy Fruit.
Bears 19, Packers 7
For the first time in 12 years, Chicago beat Green Bay at SlDDDier Field. In case you're wondering, the stadium recently had its name changed to reflect the fact that you're going to find plenty of D but no O there.
Bengals 38, Steelers 31
Cincinnati, you just can't seem to shed that "Bungles" label. Sure, you won your biggest game in 15 years by out-slugging a hated division rival on the road, but c'mon, 38 points and no touchdown, therefore no amusing celebration, for Chad Johnson? Bogus!
Jaguars 20, Browns 14
David Garrard stepped in for an injured Byron Leftwich, and Jacksonville barely missed a beat. On the other hand, even with Charlie Frye playing well in place of an injured Trent Dilfer, Cleveland rarely misses a beating.
Vikings 21, Lions 16
Fed-up Detroit fans got their boo on in a big way, causing wide receiver Roy Williams to complain that it "felt like a road game." Uh, Roy, your road games are marked by fans cheering.
Buccaneers 10, Saints 3
Another dismal loss for the Saints in Baton Rouge. Incidentally, Baton Rouge means "red stick," which is not to be confused with "orange pylon." For example, Aaron Brooks's team may have been in Baton Rouge, but his four interceptions ensured that it never got close to an orange pylon.
Colts 35, Titans 3
It was double the triplets for Indianapolis, as in the offensive triplets of Manning, Harrison and James all enjoying milestone performances while defensive tackle Larry Tripplett took a turnover 60 yards for a score. But they had nothing on Tennessee's triplet of triplets, as in the nine losses the team has now.
Chiefs 31, Broncos 27
In a back-and-forth game, the decisive moment came when officials overturned the spot on fourth down and ruled that Denver's Mike Anderson had not gained the necessary yardage. Although Daniel Snyder will tell you that coming up a little short should never stop anyone from attaining his goals.
Patriots 16, Jets 3
Before the game, the Jets had admitted that pretty much all they had to play for anymore was helping Curtis Martin extend his string of 1,000-yard seasons. Then they went out and got him 29 yards. Now, if they have any sense, their only goal should be to help achieve a 1,000-yard season for Reggie Bush.
San Diego 34, Raiders 10
As usual, ESPN's Suzy Kolber handled the sideline reporting. Kolber also can be seen shilling for Chevy in TV ads, which made it two people at last night's game whom one could picture in the automobile business: Kolber and Raiders owner Al Davis, who has the sleazy-used-car-salesman look down pat.
-- Desmond Bieler