Notes: 1. A joke is always more fun if you get it without an explanation. So please read the original results in the Invite first, before looking below. 2. I’m going to at least list all the abbreviations being combined, even though most of the entries are no doubt clear to most people — it’s you I’m concerned about.
Congratulations to Danielle Nowlin, who landed in both first place and fourth, and got an honorable mention to boot. That brings the 2014 Invite Loser of the Year/ Rookie of the Year to her 14th win, and her 332nd blot of ink. And to the two other, even more ink-sodden runners-up, Chris Doyle and Mark Raffman.
J/KKK: “Ha ha ha, of course I’m not racist! That was just a Halloween costume.” (Danielle Nowlin) J/K = just kidding. + KKK.
3rd place: PhDD: Person who might have occasion to say, “Excuse me, my brain is up here.” (Mark Raffman) PhD + DD-cup bra.
2nd place: WCCR: The bathroom on the right. (Chris Doyle) WC = water closet, or bathroom; CCR = Creedence Clearwater Revival, the band whose song “Bad Moon Rising” has the line “There’s a bad moon on the rise” — famously misheard as “there’s a bathroom on the right.”
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
UNICEFU: “Every child’s life is precious! … Oh, wait, those children aren’t from here.” (Danielle Nowlin) UNICEF + F.U.
AARPG: The ultimate “get off my lawn” weapon. (Ira Allen) AARP, the senior-citizens organization + RPG, rocket-propelled grenade
AARPM: 45s, 33s and still a few 78s. (Rob Huffman) AARP + RPM, revolutions per minute, the various speeds of phonograph records.
AFL-CIOB/GYN: For all your labor needs. (Jeff Shirley) AFL-CIO, the federation of labor unions + OB/GYN, obstetrician/gynecologist
NSFWH: Warning stamp on federal agency documents containing facts. (Kevin Dopart) NSFW = Not safe for work + WH = White House
AT&T&A: Its cellphone agreement page features lots of naughty pictures, but still no one reads it. (Duncan Stevens) AT&T + T&A (crude name for feminine features)
BCCNN: Default email setting of White House junior staffers that explains the continual “according to insiders” scoops. (Steven Litterst): bcc, a shared “blind copy” of an email + CNN
BYOBNB: Camping. (Melissa Balmain) BYOB, bring your own bottle; BNB, bed-and-breakfast
CCCPAC: Annual gathering of conservative activists and their Soviet supporters. (Chris Doyle) CCCP, the Russian abbreviation for U.S.S.R., the Soviet Union + CPAC, the giant Conservative Political Action Conference.
CRISPRBG: The science that many Americans wish could keep the justice around forever. (Dottie Gray) CRISPR, the acronym for “clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats”; more to the point, it’s gene editing. + RBG, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
CVSTFU: “Customer Smathers to the pharmacy desk — your stool softeners are ready for pickup.” (Frank Osen) CVS drugstores + STFU “shut the f — up”
DCAPTCHA: “Select all images with a corrupt, power-hungry liar.” (Jesse Frankovich) Washington, D.C. + CAPTCHA, which officially stands for “completely automated public Turing test to tell computers and humans apart,” the tool that seeks to verify whether the user is a human rather than an automated bot; the Captcha on the Style Invitational entry form often asks entrants to check off images in which a car or streetlight appears.
ETASAP: “Get your butt in here now!” (Roger Dalrymple) ETA + ASAP
FICOCD: Obsessively checking your credit score after every transaction. (Stephen Dudzik) FICO, Fair Isaac Corp., a credit-scoring company + OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder
FOMOMG!: What teens suffer when they have to put their phones away. (Bill Dorner) FOMO, fear of missing out, what’s said to drive many an addiction to social media + OMG, Oh my God.
FUBARNR: Spring break. (Kerry Humphrey) FUBAR, humorous military acronym for “f’ed up beyond all recognition (or repair, or reason)” + RNR, rest ’n’ recreation
GMOMG: “Check out the size of those tomatoes!” (Kyle Hendrickson) GMO, genetically modified organisms + OMG
GOPDA: Kissing the president’s butt in full view of your constituents. (Jesse Frankovich) GOP + PDA, public display of affection
HOVIP: A clown car driver in the high-occupancy lane. (Bob Kruger) HOV, high-occupancy-vehicle, or carpool lane of a highway + VIP
IBMAGA: The company whose motto is “Don’t think.” (Ward Kay) “Think” has been the slogan of IBM even before it was IBM. According to the acclaimed author Wikipedia: “The “THINK” slogan was first used by Thomas J. Watson in December 1911 while managing the sales and advertising departments at the National Cash Register Company. At an uninspiring sales meeting Watson interrupted, saying: ‘The trouble with every one of us is that we don’t think enough.’ Watson then wrote '“THINK” … In 1914, Watson brought the slogan with him to the Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. and its subsidiaries, all of which later became IBM.”
IMDBFF: That one acquaintance you only invite to hang out on pub trivia nights. (Matt Monitto) IMDB, the Internet Movie Database, trivia buff’s delight + BFF, best friend forever
IRSVP: “Please respond by April 15.” (Jesse Rifkin) IRS + RSVP
LMAOB/GYN: “Ha ha, look at the speculum! Doesn’t it look like a duck? Quack, quack! Okay, get back to work, there, Mr. Duck!” (Danielle Nowlin) LMAO, laughing my ass off + OB/GYN
MSRPOTUS: The going rate for emoluments. (Sam Mertens) MSRP, manufacturer’s standard retail price + POTUS, President of the United States
NARAla: Uh, we’ve got some work to do. (Sam Mertens) NARAL, National Abortion Rights Action League + Ala., Alabama, which recently passed legislation that will ban virtually all abortions in the state
NASAFTRA: The dedicated men, women and FX artists who helped fake the moon landing. (Stephen Dudzik) NASA + AFTRA, the trade union American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (now merged with the Screen Actors Guild)
NFLOL: “We’re doing all we can to make the sport safer for the players.” (Mark Raffman) NFL + LOL
NSFWD-40: Lubricant for even more uses! (April Musser Brand) NSFW, not safe for work + WD-40, an oil spray used in a variety of household tasks such as loosening bolts and fixing sticky doors
OB/GYNRA: A group that supports shotgun weddings. (Jesse Frankovich) OB/GYN + NRA
OMBDSM: “We really, really love budget cuts — deep, sharp, stinging ones.” (Kevin Dopart) OMB, the federal Office of Management and Budget + BDSM, “bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism,” or a catchall for kinky sex.
401KO: Effect of Trump’s trade war on my retirement account. (John Hutchins) 401K, a retirement savings account + KO, a boxing knockout
OMGCYA: “Nobody wants to see you in that Speedo!” (Jeff Strong, Fairfax) OMG + CYA, cover your ass
RSVPS: Announcing to your hosts that you’ll also be bringing guests they did not invite. “RSVPS: Fido will be coming, too — don’t worry, we’ll bring carpet cleaner!” (Kevin Dopart) RSVP + P.S., postscript on a letter
SAT&T: The new “open phone” exam. (Eric Nelkin) SAT, the test formerly named the Scholastic Aptitude Test and then Scholastic Assessment Test + AT&T
TMIHOP: Telling the server that the Fresh ’N Fruity makes you Rooty Tooty. (Jean Sorensen) TMI, too much information + IHOP
USUK: America and Britain issue a joint declaration to the rest of the world. (Gary Crockett) U.S. + U.K. = USUK
WTFIFA: The 2022 World Cup in Qatar? (Jim Derby) WTF, “what the F …” + FIFA, Fédération Internationale de Football Association, the world soccer governing body
WTFLOTUS?: Wearing a pith helmet in Kenya? (Bill Dorner) WTF + FLOTUS, first lady of the United States
YMCAARP: Favorite place of the Retirement Village People. (Barbara Turner) YMCA, subject of the dance party song by the Village People + AARP
YMCAT: Young men, a bunch of premeds,/ I said young men, there’s plenty of beds … (Mike Gips, Bethesda) YMCA (and a parody of the beginning of the song) + MCAT, Medical College Admission Test
YOLOTOH: Better safe than sorry. (Jesse Frankovich) YOLO, you only live once + OTOH, on the other hand …
Definitely no Style Conversational next week; we’ll still be in transit next Thursday. But I’ll be around after that to take any questions about next week’s contest — which will be to crowdsource better definitions for dozens of non-inking neologisms and altered names from three recent contests — by email at firstname.lastname@example.org, or in the Facebook group Style Invitational Devotees.