Markle once acted in Hallmark movies. Lifetime already created a few about her and Harry’s royal romance. So we’re expecting that they will clear their slate of 2020 holiday programming to make room for several of our Meghan and Harry go-it-alone-themed films.
Are we worried that Lifetime or Hallmark will steal our ideas? Yes, but it’s okay because we really want to see all of these — plus, imagine the ROYALTIES. (We are not ashamed of that joke.)
“Inn Love With a Royal”
Meghan and Harry decide to remake their lives by agreeing to renovate an old inn that has fallen into disrepair. But they quickly discover that their royal life didn’t prepare them to deal with 19th-century plumbing, and the home repairs make them question their decision — until they realize that theirs is a love fit for royalty, no matter where it takes place. (Also they get solar panels for the inn and help revive the town’s local economy and they all rediscover the true spirit of Christmas, etc. etc.)
“The Ex-Princess Diaries”
Meghan decides to bring back her long defunct blog, the Tig, where she shares lifestyle advice, fashion tips, charitable endeavors and long, candid posts about what her life is like as a bicontinental royal. She’s inundated with offers to sell the movie rights to the blog and make millions of dollars, but does she want to go back to her Hollywood life?
“The Empire Hikes Back”
The paparazzi won’t stop hounding Meghan, Harry and baby Archie. Since they can’t find peace and quiet in the big city, they decamp to Montana, where they start a new life running a hiking and outdoors adventure company. It’s going great until Jessica, a cash-strapped neighbor (who lives, like, 30 miles away, because this is the Montana countryside) thinks she can save her struggling ranch by selling photos of the family. Meghan discovers what Jessica has done and is about to cut ties, but inspired by her second date with Harry (a camping trip in Botswana) and the majesty of the Montana sky, she lets Jessica sell the photos — with proceeds benefiting the endangered whooping crane, via a new nonprofit to be run by Jessica.
“A Royal Schooling”
Grace, a kindergarten teacher, is in for a surprise when a name jumps out on her list of students for the new school year: Archie Mountbatten-Windsor. Not only does Grace have to navigate the messy world of 5-year-olds, she must help the young royal fit in; host PTA nights with the duke and duchess; and deal with an ex-boyfriend who works down the hall and is a former tabloid reporter who wrote some unflattering stories about Meghan in the past.
“Purple Mountains Majesty”
No, this isn’t about seeing “Cats” after taking edibles (too racy for Lifetime). It’s about a painting competition that Meghan enters, but she accidentally submits one of Archie’s finger paintings. The art world is buzzing about the work of “her royal highness” and demands more, and Meghan tries to recreate the work of her baby — to no avail (he’s now in a Play-Doh phase).
“Queen of Kings”
Now that Meghan is free to open her own business, she has an inspired idea: A chocolate factory that makes only king-size candy bars. The store, Queen of Kings, quickly catches on and earns millions of followers on Instagram, but she falls into a rivalry with a chocolate shop across the street.
“Coming Back to America”
Harry doesn’t want Meghan to lift a finger as they set to remake a modest life in America, so he finds a rental in Queens, N.Y., because he googled and there were no American cities called “Princesses.” But Harry is having a tough time adjusting. Can she show him how to unlearn his royal ways? He gets hilarious advice from regulars at the corner barbershop, but forces of gentrification threaten to replace it with a grooming lounge that charges $75 for a trim. (In this economy?!) So Harry and Meghan organize a fundraiser and learn the true meaning of community along the way.
“Fit for a Queen”
Charlie owns a laundromat that does tailoring on the side, but he might have to shut down the store when the rent skyrockets thanks to a selfish new landlord. Some new customers, however, could help save his business: Harry and Meghan show up one day with all of their royal clothes that need to be tailored, and during the long process, all three of them learn a few lessons about life — and a few more about themselves.
Inspired by his new surroundings, Harry decides to go back to school, only to earn the mockery of his classmates when he doesn’t know the nuances of American history. But when a wise, elderly professor decides to lock all of the students in a room together overnight by “forgetting” the key, the royal Brit and regular Americans eventually learn to set their differences aside. (Expect production delays because of litigation instigated by the real Duke University.)
“A Prince Among Men”
Harry’s brother William is super mad at him for resigning from royal life, especially without consulting him. So Meghan and sister-in-law Kate scheme to get the siblings to make up, secretly plotting to reunite the brothers at an international gingerbread house competition. The 24-hour contest forces them to come together to achieve a common and delicious goal.
“Desperately Seeking Meghan”
Meghan bumps her head and, suffering from amnesia, forgets all about marrying into and then leaving royalty. Harry, meanwhile, has difficulty adjusting to nonroyal life. They learn to chart this new path, together.
“Gone With the Windsor”
While Harry and Meghan are looking for the perfect home in North America, they stumble upon a place in Canada that seems ideal. The only problem? It’s a castle, and they were adamant about leaving royal life behind them. (Or “splitting their time,” but we all know what that means.) As they start renovating their new palace, they learn that you can never truly escape your past.
“Queen of Hearts”
Meghan’s father and his side of the family try to reconcile after all the messy drama of the past two years. Meghan finds her way to forgiveness through baking, saving a beloved local business from an evil developer and general small-town Christmas merriment.
“The Royal Mounted Policeman”
Harry has found the perfect way to become financially independent while in Canada: train to become a Mountie! The work is a lot lonelier than he thought it’d be, but his horse, Duke, teaches him the true meaning of friendship.
This is just a reboot of “Suits.”
Steve Kolowich contributed.