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The Golden Globes that nobody watched were still a big old mess

"The Power of the Dog," "West Side Story" and HBO's "Succession" won top awards at this year's privately held, celebrity-free Golden Globe Awards Jan. 9. (Video: Reuters)
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After much deliberation over how to stream or broadcast this year’s Golden Globe Awards, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association selected the most obvious choice: not to do so at all. The Globes, once an opportunity to witness celebrities let loose and poke fun at one another, were reduced to social media posts.

Unlike the shows upended by the omicron variant of the coronavirus, however, Sunday’s Globes were never going to look like they did before. Most of Hollywood shunned the HFPA after the Los Angeles Times published an exposé in February about the 87-member organization’s questionable practices and lack of Black members. The HFPA and its iffy press credentials were never considered as prestigious as the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, which comprises more than 8,000 voters across 17 branches, but the telecast itself was widely watched — and considered a valuable publicity opportunity for studios and celebrities alike.

But major industry figures, from powerful publicists to studio heads, deemed the Times report the last straw. Facing pressure, NBC announced in May that it would not be airing the 2022 Globes, stating that “change of this magnitude takes time and work, and we feel strongly that the HFPA needs time to do it right.”

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What was the HFPA to do? After pledging to make “transformational change,” the group hired its first-ever “chief diversity officer” and adopted new rules barring members from accepting studio gifts or favors. It also got a new president, German journalist Helen Hoehne, and added 21 members — 29 percent of whom identify as Black.

There was, in fact, a Globes ceremony held at the Beverly Hilton hotel Sunday night, but it was attended by select HFPA members and grant recipients. (An HFPA representative told The Washington Post that its main focus this year was philanthropy. A news release issued after the ceremony noted that the HFPA has donated more than $50 million to entertainment charities and scholarship programs throughout the past 25 years.)

The posts announcing the night’s winners were as strange as the journey to the 79th Globes itself, sometimes omitting the project titles in favor of corny jokes: “It takes 43 muscles to smile. Thanks for the work out Andrew Garfield,” the account tweeted of the “Tick, Tick… Boom!” star, who won best actor in a motion picture, comedy or musical. “If laughter is the best medicine, [“West Side Story”] is the cure for what ails you,” wrote someone who doesn’t seem to have seen either version of the classic musical. (They later deleted the tweet and, in its replacement, updated the word “laughter” with “music.” Good call.)

At several points throughout the night, the HFPA’s live blog also quoted actress Jamie Lee Curtis speaking about the group’s philanthropic efforts, sans context. The group then tweeted a video she filmed for them — after quickly deleting a post in which they used the wrong handle for the star.

But that’s enough of that. Without any further ado, here are the winners from the Globes that nobody could watch.

Best motion picture, drama

The Power of the Dog

Best actress in a motion picture, drama

Nicole Kidman, “Being the Ricardos

Best actor in a motion picture, drama

Will Smith, “King Richard

Best motion picture, comedy or musical

West Side Story

Best actress in a motion picture, comedy or musical

Rachel Zegler, “West Side Story”

Best actor in a motion picture, comedy or musical

Andrew Garfield, “Tick, Tick… Boom!”

Best director, motion picture

Jane Campion, “The Power of the Dog”

Best supporting actress in a motion picture

Ariana DeBose, “West Side Story”

Best supporting actor in a motion picture

Kodi Smit-McPhee, “The Power of the Dog”

Best TV series, drama

Succession” (HBO)

Best actress in a TV series, drama

Michaela Jaé Rodriguez, “Pose”

Best actor in a TV series, drama

Jeremy Strong, “Succession

Best TV series, comedy or musical

“Hacks” (HBO Max)

Best actress in a TV series, comedy or musical

Jean Smart, “Hacks”

Best actor in a TV series, comedy or musical

Jason Sudeikis, “Ted Lasso

Best limited series or TV movie

The Underground Railroad” (Amazon)

Best actress in a limited series or TV movie

Kate Winslet, “Mare of Easttown

Best actor in a limited series or TV movie

Michael Keaton, “Dopesick”

Best supporting actress in a TV series

Sarah Snook, “Succession”

Best supporting actor in a TV series

O Yeong-su, “Squid Game

Best original score, motion picture

Hans Zimmer, “Dune

Best screenplay, motion picture

Kenneth Branagh, “Belfast”

Best animated feature film

Encanto

Best foreign language film

Drive My Car” (Japan)

Best original song, motion picture

“No Time to Die,” from “No Time to Die

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