As in actual thoroughbred racing, a name may not exceed 18 characters including spaces, but those characters may include punctuation and numerals. You may run words together to save space, but the name should be easy to read.
Please write entries in the A x B = C format of the second and third example above, and note the formatting instructions on this week’s entry form and The Style Conversational. They’re easy, but the E and especially her longtime volunteer sorter, Loser Jonathan Hardis, need you to follow the directions so the entries can be sorted by horse name.
Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1483 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, April 18; results appear on Derby weekend: May 8 in print, May 5 online.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, somewhat apropos to this week’s contest, Poo-Dough, a Play-Doh-inspired mold and compound to make, well, yeah. “Looks like the real thing (smells much better)” and even comes with some fake corn kernels and peanut pieces to add authenticity to your product. Decorate your yard! Donated by Invite fan Dan Huff.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Funny Fives Faves” is by Jesse Frankovich; Craig Dykstra wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, April 7, at wapo.st/conv1483.
FUNNY FIVES FAVES: Results of our Week 1479 Wordle phrase contest
Our Week 1479 contest — in which the Empress ripped off the Nerd Game of the Hour, asking for phrases that would work as New York Times Wordle grids, proved, well, a challenge. “I never thought I’d come up with anything for this contest,” lamented one Loser. Another: “Stop this madness!” The rule was that once a letter was in the right, “green” place for the final word, it had to stay there for subsequent words.
^ The springtime singer’s lament. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
^ What a Florida teacher does now. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
2nd place and the Day of the Dead Pop-Tarts:
^ Why on earth would you keep announcing your X/6 Wordle score? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
RATES, DATES, MATES, SATES, HATES: A brief Tinder love story: Swipe right, spend the night, take flight. (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)
Fives below: Honorable mentions
A Commanders fan’s usual quarter-by-quarter experience. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)
UHHHH . . .
The remarkable turn of events in Ukraine. (Duncan Stevens)
When you realize that being driven into the ground by giant linemen beats being driven up the wall by your kids. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
Fox on docs. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
The least frequently hired musical ensemble. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
Success rate of you-know-who’s post-election lawsuits. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
How your résumé can describe the year you spent dumpster-diving. (Chris Doyle)
The 1793 guillotine squad lets the queen know what’s coming. (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)
Welcome to inflation. (Mark Raffman)
Back-to-school reviews are in for the cafeteria. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)
Oh shoot, I thought I was playing Worldle! (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)
What suffices for the GOP platform these days. (Jonathan Jensen)
Your Mama’s diet. (Chris Doyle)
Palinspeak. (Jesse Frankovich)
(Jeff Bezos owns The Washington Post.) (Jesse Frankovich)
What makes Losers try so hard for Invite ink. (Jon Gearhart)
And Even Laster:
Trump enters the Invitational, gets no ink. (Steve Benko, Southport, Conn.)
And Lastest of All:
And I always do. (Jon Gearhart)
And Even Lasterest of All:
Why the Empress gets so many entries with the same lame jokes. (Submitted by Jesse Frankovich AND Chris Doyle)
Still running — deadline Monday night, April 11: Make new words from any of 36 ScrabbleGrams letter sets. See wapo.st/invite1482.
DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.
The horses to “breed” in Week 1483: Click here to see the list as a printable, searchable four-column Google Doc.
Bye Bye Bobby
Cant Be Doin That
Goin to the Show
In Due Time
Make It Big
On Thin Ice
Rattle N Roll
Shake Em Loose
Slow Down Andy
Summer Is Tomorrow
Tiz the Bomb
We the People
Win the Day