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Style Invitational Week 1483: Pun for the Roses

Our famous racehorse name ‘breeding’ contest. Plus winning phrases that work as Wordle grids.

"A brief Tinder love story: Swipe right, spend the night, take flight." It's Hildy Zampella's winning entry in our Wordle-phrase contest. See the rest below. (The Washington Post illustration)
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Click here to skip down to the results of our Wordle phrase contest.

“Breed” Happy Jack with Make It Big and name the foal Ecstatic Jack

Iron Works x Enough Already = Iron“StopsWorking”

Clapton x Apprehend = Clapton Irons

Yes! After another iffy year in so many ways, we once again are on the traditional schedule for the running of the Kentucky Derby and, with it, our most popular contest of the year, usually generating some 4,000 entries for the Empress to ponder. This week: At the bottom of this page is a list of 100 of the 300-some horses nominated for the 2022 Triple Crown races: the Kentucky Derby, Preakness Stakes and Belmont Stakes. “Breed” any two names and name the “foal” to humorously play off both parents’ names, as in the examples above. (Yes, we know they’re almost all male. We do not care.)

As in actual thoroughbred racing, a name may not exceed 18 characters including spaces, but those characters may include punctuation and numerals. You may run words together to save space, but the name should be easy to read.

Please write entries in the A x B = C format of the second and third example above, and note the formatting instructions on this week’s entry form and The Style Conversational. They’re easy, but the E and especially her longtime volunteer sorter, Loser Jonathan Hardis, need you to follow the directions so the entries can be sorted by horse name.

Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1483 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, April 18; results appear on Derby weekend: May 8 in print, May 5 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, somewhat apropos to this week’s contest, Poo-Dough, a Play-Doh-inspired mold and compound to make, well, yeah. “Looks like the real thing (smells much better)” and even comes with some fake corn kernels and peanut pieces to add authenticity to your product. Decorate your yard! Donated by Invite fan Dan Huff.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Funny Fives Faves” is by Jesse Frankovich; Craig Dykstra wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, April 7, at wapo.st/conv1483.

FUNNY FIVES FAVES: Results of our Week 1479 Wordle phrase contest

Our Week 1479 contest — in which the Empress ripped off the Nerd Game of the Hour, asking for phrases that would work as New York Times Wordle grids, proved, well, a challenge. “I never thought I’d come up with anything for this contest,” lamented one Loser. Another: “Stop this madness!” The rule was that once a letter was in the right, “green” place for the final word, it had to stay there for subsequent words.

4th place:

^ The springtime singer’s lament. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

3rd place:

^ What a Florida teacher does now. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

2nd place and the Day of the Dead Pop-Tarts:

^ Why on earth would you keep announcing your X/6 Wordle score? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:

RATES, DATES, MATES, SATES, HATES: A brief Tinder love story: Swipe right, spend the night, take flight. (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

Fives below: Honorable mentions

BEERS
JEERS
WEARY
TEARY
A Commanders fan’s usual quarter-by-quarter experience. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

BULLY
RAIDS,
BOMBS.
CINCH?
UHHHH . . .
The remarkable turn of events in Ukraine. (Duncan Stevens)

BRIEF
BRADY
BREAK
When you realize that being driven into the ground by giant linemen beats being driven up the wall by your kids. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

FAULT
FAUCI,
TRUST
SEUSS
Fox on docs. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

BANJO
KAZOO
DISCO
COMBO
The least frequently hired musical ensemble. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

SIXTY
TIMES
ZILCH
Success rate of you-know-who’s post-election lawsuits. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

SOLID
WASTE
AUDIT
CHIEF
How your résumé can describe the year you spent dumpster-diving. (Chris Doyle)

MARIE:
BLADE
ADIEU
AHEAD!
The 1793 guillotine squad lets the queen know what’s coming. (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)

GRAVY
TRAIN
WRECK
Welcome to inflation. (Mark Raffman)

BLECH
GROSS
SOGGY
Back-to-school reviews are in for the cafeteria. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

CHINA
INDIA
SYRIA
NEPAL
JAPAN
QATAR
Oh shoot, I thought I was playing Worldle! (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)

TRASH
TRUTH,
TRUST
TRUMP:
What suffices for the GOP platform these days. (Jonathan Jensen)

TWICE-
DAILY
SNACK:
EXTRA-
LARGE
PIZZA
Your Mama’s diet. (Chris Doyle)

POLAR
DUMBO
MUMBO
JUMBO
Palinspeak. (Jesse Frankovich)

SHINY-
PATED
ASSET-
LADEN
PAPER
OWNER
(Jeff Bezos owns The Washington Post.) (Jesse Frankovich)

And Last:
PRIZE:
OLIVE
GREEN
LLAMA
VOMIT
What makes Losers try so hard for Invite ink. (Jon Gearhart)

And Even Laster:
MYERS
NAMES
OTHER
LOSER?
FIXED!
Trump enters the Invitational, gets no ink. (Steve Benko, Southport, Conn.)

And Lastest of All:
MYERS
MOTTO:
SORRY,
LOSER.
ENTER
AGAIN!
And I always do. (Jon Gearhart)

And Even Lasterest of All:
LOSER
MINDS
THINK
ALIKE
Why the Empress gets so many entries with the same lame jokes. (Submitted by Jesse Frankovich AND Chris Doyle)

Still running — deadline Monday night, April 11: Make new words from any of 36 ScrabbleGrams letter sets. See wapo.st/invite1482.

DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.

The horses to “breed” in Week 1483: Click here to see the list as a printable, searchable four-column Google Doc.

Absolute Ruler

American Icon

American Xperiment

Apprehend

Barber Road

Bargaining Power

Be There

Beyond Best

Bletchley Park

Bloodline

Boise

Bureau

Bye Bye Bobby

Cant Be Doin That

Charge It

Clapton

Classic Causeway

Concept

Conclusive

Congressman

Courvoisier

Crown Pride

Cyberknife

Dean’s List

Doppelganger

Early Voting

Echo Zulu

Efficiency

Electability

El Paso

Enough Already

Enthrallment

Epicenter

Epoch

Ethereal Road

Flying Drummer

Forbidden Kingdom

Glider

Goin to the Show

Grantham

Gunfighter

Happy Jack

Hopper

Howling Time

Improper

In Due Time

Iron Works

Kerouac

Long Term

Major General

Make It Big

Messier

Miss Everything

Momentous

Money Supply

Morello

Mr White

Mugged

Nabokov

Octane

On Thin Ice

Overrule

Paper Mirror

Pappacap

Particular

Peaceful Waters

Presidential

Rattle N Roll

Rhetoric

Rich Strike

Rockefeller

Script

Secret Oath

Seventh Letter

Shake Em Loose

Simplification

Slim Man

Slow Down Andy

Smarten Up

Smile Happy

Strike Hard

Strobe

Summer Is Tomorrow

Surpassing

Take Action

Tawny Port

The Thunderer

Tiz the Bomb

Top Secret

Trademark

Un Ojo

Unraptured

Verbal

Volcanic

We the People

Wharton

White Abarrio

Win the Day

Witty

Zozos

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