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Style Invitational Week 1495: We all need a break

No new contest this week -- our first skip in three years -- but lots of winning neologisms from Week 1491

CHOMPULSION: The urge to bite down while the dentist is jabbing you in the mouth. A runner-up this week by Joanne Free; see all the inking add-a-letter neologisms below. (For The Washington Post)
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Click here to skip down to the winning neologisms from Week 1491

It’s been a heck of a week, hard upon many previous hecks-of-weeks. So relax, cue the fireworks, and enjoy this week’s inking add-a-letter neologisms: There’s no new contest this week — our first skipped contest since August 2019 — so that the Empress can take a week off four weeks from now, when the results would have run. (But it’s not even a vacation from Loserdom: She and the Royal Consort will be joining a dozen or so Style Invitational types on a trip to Niagara Falls in Ontario; Longtime Loser Kyle Hendrickson has arranged a number of “Loserfest” trips over the years. and this is the first post-pandemic one.) So in the last week of July, the Invite will feature lots of fresh ink from recent contests.

The headline “Deftinitions" for this week’s results is by Jon Gearhart; Kevin Dopart wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s online column this week (published late Thursday, June 30) discusses this week’s results — what worked and what didn’t. See it at wapo.st/conv1495.

Deftinitions: Add-a-letter neologisms from Week 1491

In the neologism contest of Week 1491, the Empress asked the Loser Community to choose any word, name or phrase beginning A through E, then add a letter — or the same letter more than once — and define the result.

4th place:

Chompulsion: The deep urge one has to fight while the dentist is jabbing you in the mouth. (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)

3rd place:

Adulltery: Sneaking away to have extramarital sex and compare Spelling Bee lists. (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

2nd place

and the alligator hand back scratcher:

Bad Moron Rising: “I see the bad moron risin'/ I see trouble on the way/ I see democracy a-dyin’/ If he comes back again someday.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:

Choward: Someone afraid to try new food. Not to be confused with a chowhard, one who eats anything. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

Nearly risers: Honorable mentions

Carcophony: “Are we there yet?” “It’s my turn to sit up front!” “Are we there yet?” “I need to use the bathroom! “She pushed me!” “Are we there yet?” “Did not, he pushed me first!” “Are we there yet?” (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Gastonishment: What I feel every time I fill my tank these days. (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

Endunciate: To express one’s ignorance via pronunciation, e.g., “Gazpacho police,” “peach tree dish.” (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Adiprose tissue: Verbiage. Hemingway’s writing didn’t show an ounce of adiprose. (John Bradley, St. Louis, a First Offender)

Abhortionist: One who uses personal biases to orchestrate a miscarriage of justice. (Byron Miller, Cobble Hill, B.C.)

Abiden: Waiting patiently for the other party to come to the table in good faith. (Donald Norum, Charlottesville, Va.)

Bowel America: Full-service proctology clinic. “Our colonoscopies are right up your alley!” (Kevin Tingley, Vienna, Va.)

Children of the Corny: Kids who suffer through dad jokes. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Enfoold: To surround oneself with “all the best people.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Acrimoney: Many a divorce settlement. (Karen Golden, Prince Frederick, Md.)

Adrian Monkee: In “The Case of the Believer,” Adrian joins the madcap band with his clarinet as he tries to decipher the rock and the roll. (Joanne Free)

Afictionado: A hardcore QAnon supporter. (Lee Graham)

Ain’tarctic: The South Pole, before too long. (Bruce Carlson, Alexandria, Va.)

Amazone: An online shopper’s state of euphoria. “Sorry for buying all that Wizards stuff, dear — I was in the Amazone.” (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

Bald, Bald Leroy Brown: Does NOT compare with ol’ King Kong in the hair department. (Jesse Frankovich)

Apooplectic: So angry you lose your … temper. (Frank Mann, Washington)

Axel murderer: A particularly inept figure skater. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Aromageddon: Cataclysmic event that occurs when you enter your teenager’s room. (Duncan Stevens)

Borisk: “Let’s have a party right here in 10 Downing Street! Just don’t say anything!” (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.)

Brodacious: Marvelously reckless, at least to one’s admirers: “We dangled Pete by his legs outside a 10-story window! It was brodacious!” (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Bullshift: Tucker Carlson’s 7-to-8 p.m. slot on Fox News. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Barftender: Your new job title if you don’t cut off patrons who’ve had too much. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Bassault: “The car’s stereo was so loud, the thudding was a bassault on all ears within a block.” (Pam Shermeyer)

Bawdminton: The shuttlecock has a different function in this party version. (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott City, Md.)

Beneviolent: Disruptive for a good cause. “His beneviolent sneezing fit provided a solid reason for leaving the HR meeting.” (Pam Shermeyer)

Biggots: People who discriminate against tall and large folks; they mostly gravitate to the airline industry, but some work in clothing retail. (Duncan Stevens)

Blaséball: Nine innings, four hours, 79 crotch scratches. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines; Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

Board of Selections: The GOP’s plan for who decides the 2024 presidential winner.” (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Carfé: When there’s no time for dinner between work and Back to School Night, it’s one more meal in the Toyota Carfé. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Chainslaw massacre: A rash of food poisonings from tainted supermarket salads. (Tom Quinn, Herndon, Va., a First Offender)

Chat on a Hot Tin Roof: “OMG, this tin roof is hot!” “LOL, I know, right?” (Jesse Frankovich)

Corvid-19: Five birds short of a pie. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

Crapacity: Ability to accept total nonsense. “The crapacity of QAnon members is immeasurable.” (Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.)

Customer > Cupstomper: An ill-mannered Starbucks patron who throws a tanty when mistakenly served a latte instead of a mocha. (Karen Lambert)

Dearthquake: A violent shudder after seeing your low bank balance. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

Deshpotic: What Daffy Duck will be if we don’t stop his inordinate lust for power. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Diet Hard: In this sequel, Detective McClane decides to change his lifestyle after getting stuck in an air vent. (Jesse Frankovich)

Diss-member: “Did you just get out of a cold pool or something? Really? That’s it?” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Econ artist: “Absolutely, these tax cuts will pay for themselves!” (Neil Kurland)

Embrattled: Describing a parent who takes the two preschoolers to the grocery store. “Ethan, put all those cans back! Molly, what did I just tell you about screaming?” (Pam Shermeyer)

Exaggerbate: Overstate one’s need for sex. “But if I can’t, I’ll turn blue …” (Wendy Shang, Falls Church, Va.)

Haffable: Friendly, to a point. (Sarah Walsh)

He-mancipation: The return of the effete, emasculated American male to his red-meat-eating, gun-packing, butt-pinching birthright. (Jonathan Jensen)

Jellopardy: The risk in having a brand closely associated with Bill Cosby. (Kevin Dopart, on vacation in Naxos, Greece)

Karmadillo: Someone whose fate is to never quite make it across the road. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Laudacious: Outrageously overhyped. “Isn’t ‘This generation’s Olivier’ a little laudacious for Taylor Lautner?” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Malice’s Restaurant: They won’t let you have a single thing you want. (Ann Martin)

Nevergreen: A landscape shrub that’s always a lovely shade of burnt match. (Lawrence McGuire)

Tautopsy: It lists the cause of death as “heart stopped beating.” (Frank Osen)

Texorcist: When your state is possessed by Cruz and Abbott, who you gonna call? (Frank Mann)

The Blight Brigade: NIH’s 600-doctor pandemic team. (Allan Zackowitz, Brookeville, Md.)

Capital None: A bank that’ll put nothing in your pocket. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Cheeriots: Favorite breakfast of the Oat Keepers. (Jonathan Jensen)

BasketbaLOL: What the Wizards play. (Mark Raffman)

Fartifact: Unpleasant, invisible evidence of a rude event, especially in an elevator. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

And Last: Agonym: That short Style Invitational entry that’s a sure winner if you can just get the wording right, though maybe, if you change the — no, that’d be too abstruse, it needs to be more obvious, but — hey, how about — no, you already tried that, so … (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill., whose 49 blots of ink date back to 2002)

MEANWHILE …

Since there’s no fine-print blahblah this week with the new contest, we have room for a fine parody from our contest for current-events songs. See the rest at wapo.st/invite1494.

To If I Only Had a Brain,” as sung by Vladimir Putin

I’ll erase each Euro border
To make a new world order,
Where I alone will reign.
Then the troops I’m stackin’ inland
Will begin attackin’ Finland
Once I subjugate Ukraine.

First I need to show Zelensky
That there’s no common-senseky
To savin’ his domain.
I’ll be leavin’ him a mess o’
New cadavers in Odessa
All resistance is in vain!

Oh, I have nukes galore,
So many than before.
I could wage a war like never waged before,
But here’s a fear I can’t ignore:

Russian poets might be pennin’
More odes to me than Lenin
While the obit scribes explain:
“Putin should’ve been suspicious
Drinking black tea that delicious,
But he didn’t have a brain!” (Chris Doyle)

Still running — deadline Tuesday night, July 5: Our contest for funny poems using words from this years National Spelling Bee. See wapo.st/invite1494.

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InvisibleInk! Idea:() Examples:() Title:(Jon Gearhart) Subhead:(Kevin Dopart) Prize:() VisibleInk!

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