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Style Invitational Week 1509: MASH MASH: combine 2 one-word movies

Plus the ‘Hadden-Inklin Psychic Hotline’ and other ventures by 'sister cities’

7 min

Click here to skip down to the winning "sister cities"

Metropolis Parasite: A Wall Street hedge fund trader devises a way to pay $27 in income tax.

Psycho Cats: Fluffy and Ginger get in the shower!

Unforgiven Pinocchio: “You lied once too often, wood boy — I’m turning you into a spice rack.”

This week’s contest was suggested by Loser Lee Graham, who remembered that single-word movie titles weren’t working for him in some earlier Invite contest. This week: Combine two single-word movie titles to make a new movie and describe it, as in the examples above. The original title must consist of a single word: no “A,” “The,” “IV,” etc. You may add a few more words (e.g., “and the,” “vs.”) but the extra words shouldn’t be a major part of the title. Don’t smoosh the two titles into a single word.

Submit up to 25 entries at (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 17; results appear Nov. 6 in print, Nov. 3 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives — regifted by Loser Sue Lin Chong, who won it in Week 267 (1998) – a genuine mint-condition 1972 chrome license plate frame featuring the side views of two lissome ladies. While it would look tacky even on a souped-up Ford 150, it’d make a fabulously campy picture frame.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at The headline “Community Jest” is by Jesse Frankovich; Jesse and Tom Witte both submitted the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at; follow Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, Oct. 6, at

Community jest: Inking ‘sister cities’ from Week 1505

In Week 1505 the Empress asked the Losers to choose any two or more towns in the United States and Canada and supply a joint venture they might undertake. The “or more” turned into some long strings of names that brought a HUH instead of the preferred HA, like The Bear-Rio-Sam-Aben-Laden-Indio-Shinn-Ware-Heaslip-Witty-Fish U.S. Navy Funeral Detail (Idaho, Fla., Va., La., Ky., Calif., Ill., Ala., Ontario, Mo., Ga.) After much puzzling out, we figured that Randy Lee was getting at “Bury Osama bin Laden in the ocean where he sleep with the fish.” HUH. We hope the following ones are more straightforward, though sometimes it helps a lot to say them out loud a couple of times.

4th place:

The Iowa-Latta-Green Student Loan Forgiveness Program (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) [towns in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Ohio]

3rd place:

The Luke-Warm Springs Very Average Resort (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.) [Md., Ga.]

2nd place

and the paper dolls of literary figures:

The Gordon-Ramsay-Letts-Macon-Effingham-Sandwich Brown-Bag Workshop (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) (Iowa, Ill., Ga., Ill., Mass., Ala.)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:

The Albee-Gladwin-Weir-Dunn Divorce Law Firm (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) [S.D., Mich., Kan., N.C.]

City slackers: Honorable mentions

The Tupelo-Zero Winter Preparedness Advisory Group (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.) [Miss., Mont.)

The Dunn-Dunn-Dunn-Dunn DragnetCon (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) [Mo., N.C., Tex., Wis.]

The Boring-Rector-Babylon-Macon-Sleeper-Nodaway Committee to Improve Sunday Sermons (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) [Ore., Ark., N.Y., Miss., Mo., Iowa]

The Reston-Laurel “Quiet Quitters” Club (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.) [Va., Md.]

Weir-Putnam-Underhill Gravediggers: “If we can’t get dirt on you, no one can.” (Jon Gearhart) [Neb., Ala., Wis.]

The Letts-Baskin-Coldwater Polar Bear Club (Beverley Sharp) [Iowa, Fla., Mich.]

The Macon-America-Grady-Gann Militia Muster (Jeff Contompasis) [Ga., Ill., Ark., Ohio]

The Randy-Lee-Burke-Virginia Self-Promotion Society (Randy Lee, Burke, Va.) (Ky., N.Y., Va., Wash.)

The Reubens-Sandwich-Hahn-White-Witt-Mayo Brooklyn Deli Tour for Iowans (Chris Doyle) [Ida., Mass., Tex., S.D., Ill., Fla.]

The Watha-Hellam-Ida-Wing-Heeia Senior Moment Museum (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) [N.C., Pa., La., N.D., Hawaii]

The Venice-Tom-Brady-Given-Upp sports betting app (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.) [Fla., Okla., Texas, W.Va., Calif.]

The Weir-Naughton-Kansas-Haney-Moore “Wizard of Oz” Cosplayer Convention (Chris Doyle) [Kan., Ontario, Wis., Ore., N.J.]

The Albee-Xenia Quickie Divorce Center (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.) [S.D., Ohio]

The Albee-Armonk-Keyes-Sun-Kell-Clarence-Darrow-Ford-Dee-Winn Scopes Trial Reenactment (Chris Doyle) [Iowa, Calif., La., Ind., La., Iowa, La., Ore., Mich.]

The Harris-Yankton Waxing Salon (Jesse Frankovich) [Minn., S.D.]

Wickett-Bee-Dublin-York-Cache Investment Services (Byron Miller, Cobble Hill, B.C.) [Tex., Ohio, Ontario, Okla.]

The Wyalusing-Troy-Harder Obnoxious Sports Parent Training Facility (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.) [Wis., N.Y. Wash.]

The Aiea-Seymour-Dent-Franzen-London Underpants Repair Shop (Duncan Stevens) [Hawaii, Conn., Minn., Wis., Ark.]

The Daggett-Ding Dong-Stuckey-Puckett Reformed Foulmouths’ Association (Sarah Walsh) [Calif., Tex., S.C., Miss.]

The Dunn-Ocala-Mead-Shirley Leslie Nielsen Film Festival (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) [Minn., Fla., Colo., Ark.]

The Florence-Foster-Jenkins Conservatory of Vocal Arts (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore) [Ariz., R.I., Ky.]

The Hadden-Inklin Psychic Connection Hotline (Pam Shermeyer) [Ga., B.C.]

The Granby-Aiken Geriatric Medicine Center (Karen Lambert) [Quebec, S.C.]

The Hansen-Franzen-Gurley-Mann-Pompey-Opp Schwarzenegger Spoofers School (Duncan Stevens) [Idaho, Wis., Ala., Pa., N.Y., Ala.]

The Havana-Gila Bend Center for Jewish Folk Dancing (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.) [Fla., Ariz.]

The Howe-Mina-Rhodes-Masham-Mann-Walker-Downs Wind-Blowin’ Research Institute (Duncan Stevens) [Pa., N.Y., Iowa, Quebec, Pa., Iowa, Ill.]

Izee-Still-Shamokin Tobacco Cessation Counselors (Pam Shermeyer) [Oregon, N.D., Pa.]

The Kent-Eustace Yard Sale (Sarah Walsh) [Ohio, Tex.]

The Nome-Mentor-Love Lonely Hearts Club (Karen Lambert) [Alaska, Ohio, Ariz.]

The Nome-Orlando Keep Billy Dee Williams Out of Future Star Wars Sequels Petition (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) [Alaska, Fla.]

The Luke-Sky-Walker-Dee-Good-Jed-Eyota-Kilsyth-Not-Kissimmee-Sisters Etiquette En-Forcers (Randy Lee) [Tenn., Calif., Ga., Mo., Maine, Ore., W.Va., W.Va., Minn., Tenn., Mo., Fla., Ore.]

The Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme-Acme Anvil Chorus (Jeff Contompasis) [Alberta, Ind., Kan., La., Mich., N.C., Ore., Pa., Wash., W.Va.]

The Airdrie-Sheets-Ong-Linesville-Gough-Wapato-Tywappity Concerto for Wet Laundry (Frank Osen) [Alberta, N.D., N.D., Pa., Ga., Wash., Mo.]

The Cole-Esterel Healthy Heart Initiative (Frank Mann, Washington) (Okla., Quebec)

The Doane-Nead-Macomb-Nome-Moore Baldness Support Group (Jesse Frankovich) [W.Va., Ind., Ill., Alaska, Okla.]

The Juneau-Wymark-Needles-Kyle High School Gossip Podcast (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.) [Alaska, Saskatchewan, Calif., Saskatchewan]

The Jupiter-Spokane-Venus-Hurd Romance Book Club (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.) [Fla., Wash., Tex., N.D.]

The Macon-Annada-Sandwich Overeaters Anonymous Hotline (Rob Cohen) [Ga., Mo., Mass.]

Letts-Coe-Brandon Refined Young Republicans of America (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.) [Iowa, Ill., Manitoba]

The Maumee-Loving-Sigmund-Froid-Eddy-Pool-Complex Analysister Cities (Randy Lee) [Ark., Ga., Pa., Mont., Okla., W.Va., N.C.]

The Pat-Dee-Buda-Bell-Lee Good Luck Club (Randy Lee) [Miss., Pa., Neb., Iowa, Ala.]

The Weir-Bannen-Flippin-Dee-Byrd Citizens Against Public Displays of Rudeness (Chris Doyle) [Kan., W.Va., Ark., Ore., Ark.]

The Little-Mermaid-Musson-Bee-Black Aryan Bottom Feeders (Randy Lee) [Okla., Del., La., Neb., S.C.]

The Bigfoot-Climax Study on Events We’d Like to Unsee (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.) [Tex., Saskatchewan]

The Back-Offutt-Athol Bar Fight Management School (Pam Shermeyer) [Tex., Tenn., Mass.]

And Last: The Wonder-Wye-Kent-Winn Style Invitational Support Group (Rob Cohen) [Ky., Mont., Ohio, Ala.]

Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 10: Our contest to coin new words with the letter block ELDN. See

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