Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1511 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 31 (boo!); results appear Nov. 20 in print, Nov. 17 online.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of “100 Pooping Puppies,” a painted landscape full of possibly 100 breeds of (adult) dogs dooing their thing on a lawn. Actually, fortunately, only getting ready to doo their thing. Donated by Loser Marcy Alvo.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “QuipTiks” is by Kevin Dopart; Beverley Sharp and Jeff Contompasis both submitted the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; follow Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s at wapo.st/conv1511.
QuipTiks: State slogans with a mappy twist from Week 1507
In Week 1507 the Empress presented an offbeat challenge, straight from the offbeat mind of Bob Staake: One part was totally typical: Write a funny slogan about a U.S. state.
Now the offbeat part: The first letters of your slogan’s words would be the first letters of the states along a route you’d trace from your chosen state. So, for example, Jon Ketzner’s “Alabama: God, Football and Guns” traces Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Georgia. (You could add small words like “and”; those words are lowercase below.) For two-word states you could use either the first word or both.
We’ll spell out the first few routes; after that, if you can’t figure out some snaky path of adjacent states, see this week’s Style Conversational — or just look at a U.S. map.
CALIFORNIA: Our Weather Is Wonderful, Not Counting Our Mudslides, Avalanches, Temblors, Aftershocks, Fires, Gales, Smog, Negative Vortexes, Monsoons and Drought [Ore., Wash., Idaho, Wyo., Neb., Colo., Okla., Mo., Ark., Tenn., Ala., Fla., Ga., S.C., N.C., Va., Md., Del.] (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va., a First Offender)
NORTH DAKOTA: Making Icicles With Snot [Mont., Idaho, Wyo., S.D.] (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)
and the genuine Whoopee Cushion:
COLORADO: Kiss Our Aspens [Kan., Okla., Ark.] (Pete Morelewicz, Fredericksburg, Va.)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
ALABAMA: More Advanced Than Mississippi! [Miss., Ala., Tenn., Miss.] (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Lost: Honorable mentions
ARIZONA: Nutty Conspiracies, Unbearable Warmth and a Canyon! (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
ARKANSAS: Two Letters More Than Kansas! (Mike Caslin, Round Hill, Va.)
CALIFORNIA: No, All Californians Are Not Completely Wacko, Crazy Kooks! (Only Most Of Them.) (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
CALIFORNIA: Necesitamos Agua! (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
CALIFORNIA: Attention New Tourists: Our Citizens Understand With Movie Stars It’s Not Wise Calling Out Their Names And Clapping Unless Cameras Are Nearby and They Are On a Crimson Walkway Smiling and Waving [29 states from Arizona to Wyoming] (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
COLORADO: We Inhale (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)
FLORIDA: God’s Senior Center (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
FLORIDA: Fanatic Governor, Alligators, Terrible Mosquitoes, Irma, Ian. Oh, Please, Now, Y’all Visit! (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
GEORGIA: Find Any Missing Trump Votes? Nope! (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
IDAHO: No Californians Need Arrive (Karen Lambert)
IOWA: We Matter Solely When Caucuses Occur (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
MAINE: No Hotels! Mosquitoes! C-c-cold! Nobody’s Young! = Must Visit! (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
MICHIGAN: We Make Our Politicians Maintain Valid Kidnapping Insurance (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
MISSISSIPPI: The Most “Last” Titles (Rob Cohen)
MISSOURI: Our Most Acclaimed Landmark Makes Americans Think Of McDonald’s (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)
NORTH DAKOTA: Snow Definitely Will Melt In May (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
OHIO: It’s Kinda Mayo And That’s Okay-o (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)
OREGON: Come And Unwind In a Microbrewery With Sasquatch (Jon Carter)
TEXAS: Liberty and Autonomy! (Only Applies To Men) (Marty Gold, Arlington, Va.)
TEXAS: Objects Appear Larger Than Normal (Drew Bennett, Rogers, Ark.)
TEXAS: Where Cowboys, Oil, Armadillos, Longhorns And, Oh, Maybe Two Million Armed Grannies Are Found (Chris Doyle, also found in Texas)
UTAH: We Come Knocking (Leif Picoult)
WEST VIRGINIA: What, Me Vaccinate? (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)
WYOMING: We Shun Democrats (and a Noted Congresswoman Who Isn’t) (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)
D.C.: a Memorable Place Where Philadelphians Watch the Phillies Win (Steve Smith)
D.C.: Man Who Owns Washington Post Needs Proclamation Of It In Multitude Of Articles (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
ARKANSAS: We Don’t Know What Contiguous Means [Wash., Del., Ky., Wyo., Conn., Minn.] (Jon Gearhart)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 24: Our contest to write a poem using just one of vowels A, E, I, O and U. See wapo.st/invite1510.
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InvisibleInk! Idea:() Examples:(David Kleinbard; Duncan Stevens; Hildy Zampella) Title:(Kevin Dopart) Subhead:(Beverley Sharp; Jeff Contompasis) Prize:(Marcy Alvo) Add:H:1507:(Jon Ketzner) VisibleInk!