Because PR professionals always research a reporter’s beat before sending press releases, and because Caitlin covers local news, it made all the sense in the world that she received the following pitch from a rep for an enterprising entrepreneur last week.

Hi Caitlin,
I’d love to share with you the results of an online-dating survey that revealed D.C.'s take on “The Perfect Woman,” based on the following factors: Hair Color, Eye Color, Vice, and Education.

FINALLY someone understands what women want! To be categorized and compared to an abstract ideal by an online survey! But wait. Surely there’s some way to assign a seedy transactional undertone to all of this., the world’s largest dating-auction website...


The cheerful rep was eager to chat about the results of this Very Scientific Survey, which included 5,000 typical D.C. males, and by “typical” they mean “willing to pay for certain female features,” the way most typical guys are. The coveted features were then “objectively ranked” according to the average amount (in dollars) of first date offers:

Based on the results of this study, D.C.'s perception of “The Perfect Woman” is blonde (+$143.51) with green eyes (+$41.77), a social drinker (+$17.82) who doesn’t smoke (+$19.20), who is a college graduate with a Master’s Degree (+$30.23). Overall, D.C. males are willing to spend an average of $252.53 to go on a first date with their definition of “The Perfect Woman.”

Yes, they do appear to be serious, but we’re not quite sure if the funniest thing about the website is the picture of a CEO with a lady leaning away from him. The saddest thing about the website will be much harder to determine.

For example, some of the taglines of the “generous.” Lone Wolfin It! I like pears. Looking for Compasion.

Genius. Just like prostitution, but with the added confusion and uncertainty of dating. Still, it’s proof that getting your Master’s will in fact up your earning potential.