I really can’t complain. Life is good. Am multiply blessed. Whining is unbecoming of a man of my, you know, stature. However, I don’t like sitting on the floor here at BWI waiting for the cheap flight to Detroit. Yes: On the floor. There are no seats left in the gate. Thus am, despite being a man of aforementioned stature, on the floor, sitting cross-legged, typing away. If I win this lottery, and have $540 million, I’m making some major lifestyle changes, including, but not limited to:
1. Not flying out of BWI anymore. Nothing against the airport per se. What I don’t like about it is the “B” in BWI. It’s not Washington, it’s Baltimore, it’s a different city, and it erodes the marginal value of flight vs. other forms of transportation. The drive to BWI includes the usual harrowing journey on the Beltway and I-95. The only reason to fly out of BWI is that the flights are cheaper. But "cheaper” will cease to be a virtue when I win the lottery and suddenly a million bucks is just what routinely spills from my pockets unnoticed as I fish for the keys to my Honda.
2. Not parking in the “Daily" garage anymore, the one where you have to take a shuttle to the terminal. No, I will park in the Hourly garage, promiscuously, even if I’m on a trip lasting a year and going somewhere millions of miles away.
3. Not sitting on the floor anymore. Usually I sit on the floor because it’s near an outlet that the cleaning crew uses to power the vacuum cleaners and I need the juice for my laptop. But this morning the gate is jammed and there are no seats, as I think I mentioned earlier, and the only thing I have going for me is that I’m good at sitting on the floor. Because of the extensive experience. If I’m back in the job market anytime soon I’m listing that as part of my skill set. Good sitter.
4. Additional changes to be named later.
5. Will subscribe to HBO. I like HBO. I don’t get HBO, though, because they charge extra for it and I have the lingering notion, implanted early in life, that it is other people, who have more money, or who are more cavalier in how they spend it, who pay for premium cable channels. It’s a deep Hogtown presumption. Follows me around — the notion that I can’t afford stuff that affluent people can afford. When I win the lottery I’m nixing that whole thought process.
6. And so on.