Some baseball fans are fair-weather fans. But if you’re a follower of the Washington Nationals, inclement weather is what you really like. A rainout is as good as a tie. That’s our motto. This is particularly true on this, the Opening Day of the season, when we are tied for first. If we can get the skies to open up just a bit more — right now there’s this cold, dreary drizzle submerging the nation’s capital — then we have a very good shot at going into Day Two of the season still undefeated.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: that the Nationals are going to win this game today and make me look like an idiot. But I’m thinking you will also double-check that score to make sure you saw it right.
Last year we had the greatest moment not only in Nationals history but perhaps in the recent history of all of Washington’s sports teams (apologies to the DC United fans). When Strasburg fanned 14 in his debut, including the last 7 in a row (do I remember that right?), we all had hope, we all knew that better times were ahead. Only the cynics felt otherwise. They said things like: But his mechanics are suspect. Okay, sure, it was strange the way his head rotated 365 degrees before each pitch. The fact that his arm was 8 feet long seemed unusual. No matter: We believed.
That is a mistake I will not make again.
This season we’ll take our victories any way we can get them, including scheduling games in March when snow is still possible and a snow-out gives us another day to think up ways to trick the other team. We can send them Google Maps directions to the new stadium that will make them get lost. Never underestimate the cleverness of the grounds crew — those guys can put very subtle holes in the turf and mounts of dirt that can trip up speedy opponents.
Eavesdropping devices? Hidden cameras? We got that stuff in Washington like you wouldn’t believe.
They say Opening Day is all about hope springing eternal. I say we take advantage of the dopes who believe that. It’s when they’re full of optimism that we can trick ‘em.