The latest in food news, ideas and philosophy, just in time for your lunch break.

* I can only hope this is an April Fool’s joke. I mean, really hope. (WCP)

* I hope this isn’t an April Fool’s joke. Imagine the trashy, vicarious thrills of four lonely wives bashing their absentee chefs. “You know, Eric really hates it when Tony calls him ‘The Ripper.’” (Twitter)

* The world’s most expensive chard. (GOOD)

* Vikings liked cardamom! (Serious Eats)

* I suspect junkies will soon get strung out on sniffing this stuff. (TIME)

* Bacon now available via your iPhone. (Miami New Times)

* How to enjoy Houston outside the basketball arena this weekend. (Houston Press)

* Big Ag puts the moves on spelt. (Grist)

* What would Jesus think about this liquid Lenten diet? (Chicago Tribune)

* Mall food may soon be a little less cheesy. (HuffPoFood)