Just when I was feeling all smug that I am not the most typical person in the world, Gallup and the New York Times have to come along and hit me with the news that I am also not the happiest. If I were the happiest person, I would be Alvin Wong, a “5-foot-10, 69-year-old, Chinese-American, Kosher-observing Jew, who’s married with children and lives in Honolulu. He runs his own health care management business and earns more than $120,000 a year.”

Gallup put together the characteristics of the happiest person after a three-year poll, and the New York Times tracked down Wong. As I fit none of those characteristics, I now feel depressed. Thanks, Gallup.