Brian Manowitz is Vegan Black Metal Chef (The Washington Post)

[The first episode] featured a man in chain mail, arm bracers and rubber shoulder armor (“pauldrons”) whipping up a delightful noodle dish in his kitchen. “Cut the tofu in half, like so,” he instructed in guttural snarl. “You are missing one ingredient. That is, of course, the heat ... of ... SATAN.”

YouTube has become the repository for extreme cooking shows — cook-or-die kinds of shows, which are equal parts pageantry and commentary on just what America is doing in its collective kitchen.

He sacrifices potatoes on pentagrams and cuts vegetables with swords. This is not Julia Childs.

Tuesday, his second episode came out. It’s terrifying. And amusing. And ear splitting. Listen at your own risk:

I have to admit, I prefer my cooking shows a bit more pretty, pretty kitchen. More chocolate. Fewer maces. While Vegan Black Metal Chef may heat up your kitchen, I’ll stick with this lyrical poem to food: