The first round is in the books and the dreams and fates of thirty-two student-athletes have been reached and determined. Congratulations to each young man for reaching the highest level of their sport! Next is the hard part: living up to first round expectations. Here’s a brief recap of last night’s moments and picks, finishing with the Redskins, in chronological order and not lacking sarcasm or one man’s opinions.

• Roger “Question Dodger” Goodell gets booed. Chants of “We Want Football!” echo Radio City Music Hall in New York City. He agrees. DeMaurice Smith is off camera sweating and smiling.

Cam “Fig” Newton goes first overall to Carolina, ending Ron Rivera’s hopes for a contract extension before he coaches his first NFL game. If only he were as good as fig newtons.

Von Miller goes number two to Denver. Does John Elway Toyota give him a good deal on a car? I say buy American, maybe a Ford Bronco.

• Toronto Bills get Marcell Dareus at number three. Big boy can move! He better be in shape joining a defense that can’t get off the field or decide if it’s a 3-4 or 4-3.

• Ochocinco had Georgia on his mind with the Bengals selecting wide-out A.J. Green. His twitter account said God still has one more prayer to answer. Otro equipo Ochocinco.

• Cardinals get a cornerback, not quarterback, but Patrick Peterson was considered the best at his position. Snooze news.

• First trade! The Browns cash in on Atlanta’s Julio Jones infatuation. Atlanta’s offense looks deep, but there’s still only one ball to go around. They’ll regret this one when they miss the Super Bowl.

• First year coach Jim Harbaugh picks a defensive end. I guess he thinks they’ll be bad enough to get quarterback Andrew Luck with next year’s first pick.

• Locker Shocker!! The biggest early surprise with Gabbert still on the board, but Tennessee saw something in Locker. Shanahan could be fuming internally over this pick, but we’ll never know.

• Jerry Jones plucks the first offensive lineman off the big board, proving the lingering effects of dementia have not fully set in. I was hoping for Jimmy Smith here or a place kicker.

• Second trade! Redskins gift wrap Gabbert and give him to the Jaguars for more picks. Two surprises for one price. The Skins pass on a franchise quarterback and trade down for more picks? A change gonna come? Oh, yes it will (Sam Cooke).

• Texans make no surprise and go defense with J.J. Watt. Texans will win the AFC North. Eventually. Peyton can’t play forever.

• Vikings no longer pondering over Brett Favre’s retirement select QB Christian Ponder from Florida State. Ryan Mallett is forever regretting dabbling with illegal substances, but who knows what his first round contract would’ve been spent on.

• The Lions best two players will be side by side on defense with Ndamakong Suh and Nick Fairley. Nick Fairley was the only player drafted who did not even attempt to look happy.

Rams went defense with Robert Quinn. Possible that Shanny would’ve scooped him up if he were still on the board. He’d be great in a 3-4, too bad the Rams play in a 4-3.

• Phins phans should be happy with Robert Pouncey, the second offensive lineman taken. Skins fans were hoping Pouncey would bounce one more pick and land in Ashburn. Such is life.

• The Washington Redskins selected Ryan Kerrigan, a defensive end/linebacker from Purdue with the sixteenth pick. Reports indicate Kerrigan was a safe pick with intangibles off the chart and a motor that doesn’t stop running, not to mention a league record 14 forced fumbles. He could turn out to be a great addition to a struggling yet talented defense, but only time will tell. The two second round picks will help paint a clearer picture of the 2011 Washington Redskins. Plenty of talent is still on the board, but two picks can’t plug up multiple holes. In the meantime, welcome to Washington Ryan Kerrigan!