Ashton Kutcher showed up Wednesday on the “Late Show” to talk ”Two and a Half Men” with David Letterman. The actor and anointed Charlie Sheen replacement walked onstage wearing a helmet and protective gear in order to stay safe should anyone choose to make good on that fatwa against the host during their interview.

But he really needed protective gear to deflect the tough questions that got lobbed his way. First Letterman wanted to know what “Two and Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre — the same guy who publicly battled with Sheen — was like.

“I’m always with labor,” Letterman noted. “I don’t care anything about management. I’m always with labor. I’m a labor guy ... so to me, Chuck Lorre is a commie pig.”

Kutcher — who made it clear multiple times that he values his job — insisted that Lorrie is not, in fact, a commie pig. “He’s a great guy, really creatively collaborative,” he said.

Then Letterman turned his attention to Sheen, asking Mr. Demi Moore, ”What piece of the puzzle fell out of the package there?" Kutcher avoided a direct answer to that one, commenting instead on how he was surprised to see Drew Pinksy acting as a pundit on CNN and attempting to diagnose Sheen.

Of course, the “Late Show’s” embed-ready clip above leaves out all of those interesting bits, instead focusing on the part of the interview in which Kutcher talks about how great it is to be back on a sitcom. (Did I mention “Two and Half Men” is a CBS show?)

To see the truly good stuff, go to the full episode and skip ahead to the Kutcher interview.