It’s Friday afternoon and the rising June temperatures are starting to sap what’s left of my energy. Perhaps that’s why I have very little patience for the blog posts today comparing what you see Jennifer Aniston doing in this picture below, taken at last night’s AFI Life Achievement Award ceremony honoring Shirley MacLaine, to Angelina’s Jolie notorious gam-flash at the 2012 Oscars.
(Random aside: I, just this minute, have decided to become a hip-hop artist called the Notorious Gam Flasher. My first single drops in August.)
Anyway, back on topic. Here is Aniston, last night.
And here is Jolie at the Oscars:
Can you find the differences? Allow me to help.
Aniston’s dress is white, while Jolie’s is black. Their dresses are totally different design-wise. They’re at two different events that took place at completely different times. Aniston’s slit-exposed leg is only slightly visible whereas Jolie looks like she is actively trying to sexy-trip someone.
Bottom line is this: THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
But apparently because these two actresses share romantic linkage to Brad Pitt, and they are both female and — oh my God, this really seals the deal — they both have legs, this situation has turned into what Hollywood Life has declared a “sexy slit showdown.” And ABC News dubs a Thigh High Revival. And People magazine calls the Battle of the Leg. (For the record, Celebuzz also used the term slit dress style showdown, but at least had the sense to compare photos of Aniston and Jolie in which both wore white dresses. Which is still stupid, but just a tad less so.)
Multiple online polls are being conducted as we speak to determine the winner of 2012’s Hot-Stem Rumble in the Hollywood Jungle. (Yeah, that title was all me. Also, in an unrelated aside, I, just this minute, decided to start an indie-rock band called Hot Stem-Rumble. Our first EP drops in October.)
Look, I’ve conducted my share of silly online polls. (Here’s evidence.) But these take the absurd, unscientific-Internet-survey-cake, a cake that, weirdly, is shaped like a leg and therefore clearly copying Angelina Jolie.
Look, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt got divorced seven years ago. He and Jolie moved on, and Aniston has moved on with Justin Theroux. There is no reason why every little thing that Aniston or Jolie does — like opt to wear a dress with a slit in it, or just wear clothes in general — should be grounds to place them in competition with each other. So can we please stop now, or at least declare a moratorium until there’s real grounds for this, like both of them showing up in the same place with the same dress on? Comparing them in that situation would still be shallow, but at least there would be some logic — specifically Kelly-and-Brenda-at-the-prom-on“90210” logic — behind it. I mean, sheesh.
And yes, I do realize by ranting about this for multiple paragraphs, I’ve only brought more attention to this insipid matter. But it just made me angry. And it’s been a long week. And now I have two major musical projects to work on, so I just have a lot on my plate, okay?