Jon Snow,vow and virginity in tact? (Oliver Upton /HBO)

True, Jaime! And for a lot of our characters this week these vows were directly tied to their freedom, or lack thereof.

Let’s start with Jon Snow, who has taken one of the most unfortunate vows of all.

Our dear illegitimate Jon was where we last left him, being taunted by his prisoner Ygritte.

“No wonder you’re all so miserable,” Ygritte told Jon after finding out about the celibacy vow of the Night’s Watch. Ygritte is a wild child, with no vow to any man or any thing. (Except, of course, to Mance Rayder, the “King Beyond the Wall.”) She’s free, unlike Jon, who has given up his life to protect a wall, which is as bleak as it sounds.

Ygritte used her lady powers — which in this case basically boiled down to being a lady — to nearly persuade Jon to take her in a secular way on the snowy ground. But, just as our honorable Jon Snow seemed like he was about to give in, the freedom loving wildling escaped and led Jon right into a trap.

So now he’s captured and not having sex. At least his vow is in tact, right?

This episode also saw the reappearance of the aforementioned Jaime Lannister, who is still a prisoner of the Starks. “My life has left me uniquely unfit for constraint,” the dashing but oh-so-morally-questionable Lannister told his cousin Alton, who was pouring his heart out to his cooler relative. Swiftly displaying how far he will go to be free, Jaime murdered earnest Alton, then killed the guard and escaped.

But apparently Jaime’s not as good at running away as he is at killing people with his bare hands, because he got caught. While the lordly father of the murdered guard demanded Jaime’s head, Lady Stark held him off. She was rewarded with Jaime’s cruel words about Lord Stark’s infidelity, the infidelity that led to Jon’s existence. (You’re welcome!)

Ah yes, the time Ned cheated on Cat. When will we find out under what circumstances Lord Stark laid with another woman, then raised their baby? Soon, please, “Game of Thrones” universe?

Now we must turn to poor sweet Sansa, who awoke from a dream of being murdered by her would-be rapists to find a different kind of death. The eldest Stark daughter is now menstruating and is therefore ready to fulfill her vow, marry Joffrey and have his terrible, horrible offspring.

Cersei gave her quite the woman-to-woman pep talk, reminding her that “Joffrey’s always been difficult.” (No, really, Cersei? That sweet little prostitute-beating fellow?) The queen regent also shared a really sweet story about the time her brother/lover watched her give birth to their incest babies.

But she did offer Sansa some very real advice, “The more people you love the weaker you are.” She then recommended that her future daughter-in-law love only her children.

Ugh. I guess we have to talk about Theon, who has forsaken his vow to the Starks to return and wreak havoc on Winterfell on behalf of his father who despises him. The fallen Greyjoy raged when he discovered Osha the wildling helped Bran and Rickon escape.

Theon reminded Maester Luwin that he never tried to run away from Winterfell when he was a prisoner. Perhaps that was because Lord Stark was a good man and you, Theon, are hacking heads off?

“Man Without Honor” ended with the honorless Theon displaying the two charred bodies of children to Maester Luwin, who broke down in tears. Bran and Rickon?! No, probably just the orphans from the farm who are caught in Theon’s destructive path.


— We got an answer to the question on everybody’s mind, WHERE ARE DAENERYS’S DRAGONS?! Oh hey Daenerys, they’re just with Xaro and the creepy bald headed, blue lipped dude, who stole then and are making a very bloody power grab. Good thing you have Ser Jorah on your side. What’s that, mysterious woman whose face is covered? He betrayed her one time but promised to never to again? Yikes, Daenerys. You really do need those dragons.

Arya, you in danger, girl. Our smart little Stark is dangerously close to being found out as a noble lady by Lord Tywin. Stop being so smart and well-spoken, dummy!