It’s certainly fortunate that the traditional gift for a first anniversary is paper, because Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, who mark their first anniversary on Aug. 20, are dealing with a lot of paperwork.
Yep, they’re still technically married.
Just one year ago, in happier times, we were talking about the $7,850 vase on her wedding registry, the extremely strict black-and-white dress code, the B-list star-studded guest list, the royal wedding copycat white bridesmaid dresses, and the swag bag full of Kardashian perfume and branded flip-flops for guests. Nary a sign of trouble on the horizon.
But as Celebritology wrote last week, even though Kardashian ended the marriage after 72 days — a unit of time now known as a “Kardash,” thanks to Weird Al Yankovic — her pesky little marriage lingers, thanks to a prolonged court battle that is heating up. Because Kardashian is seeking a traditional divorce and Humphries is seeking an annulment, calling the whole marriage a fraud for reality TV, the proceedings may lead to a two-week trial. A follow-up hearing is scheduled for Nov. 28, but the pair may not be officially divorced until next May, leaving themjust three months shy of celebrating a second anniversary (traditional gift: cotton).
Today is even worse for Humphries: His parents, who also have a whole brood of K-named children, filed for divorce. Though his mother filed earlier this month, the news broke just as the anniversary was approaching.
Other than legal paperwork to end this thing once and for all, what would be the best paper gifts for the Kardashian-Humphries anniversary? Some Celebritology suggestions:
●A box of Kleenex, because obviously Humphries needs it.
●A copy of “Divorce for Dummies,” which both parties really ought to read.
●A paper shredder for all of those photos and copies of Us Weekly that they’d like to destroy.
●Special first-anniversary toilet paper, which sums up this whole mess pretty well.
Any other ideas?