When the trailer for Adam Sandler’s “Jack and Jill” debuted online, it was clear that it would not be a masterpiece.
But “Jack and Jill” truly exceeded my expectations. Because it is bad in ways so unimaginable, that it actually is borderline epic in its awfulness.
(And there’s your blurb for the commercial: “Unimaginable ... borderline epic.” — The Washington Post.)
Look, I like Adam Sandler. I embraced his work in “Punch Drunk Love.” I genuinely enjoyed “Billy Madison.” I look forward to hearing both the Thanksgiving and Hanukkah Songs every year.
But like Post critic Michael O’Sullivan — who gave “Jack and Jill” one star — I don’t think this is exactly Adam Sandler’s best work.
(“Exactly Adam Sandler’s best work.” — The Washington Post.)
That being said, “Jack and Jill” does go to places that are decidedly unexpected. With that in mind, here’s a list of eight things you’ll see in “Jack and Jill” that sound made up even though they are not.
1. In one scene, we are treated to the sight of Adam Sandler in the roles of both Jack and Jill, passing gas onscreen at the same time.
In case you were wondering, this is the reason CGI was invented.
I know I already mentioned this, but at this point I feel it’s important to stress that I really, really am not making up any of this.
3. The aforementioned scene takes place at an L.A. Lakers game.
An NBA game actually happening? This requires a massive suspension of disbelief.
4. This may be the only movie in history whose cast list includes Adam Sandler, Johnny Depp, Billy Blanks, John McEnroe, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino, Jared Fogle from Subway, Bruce Jenner, Regis Philbin, Tim Meadows and Vince Offer, the ShamWow!/Slap Chop guy.
Note: This is only a partial rundown of the cameo appearances.
5. Norm MacDonald also appear in the movie. And he plays a character named Funbucket.
I’m not even going to bother explaining this further.
6. In one scene, David Spade plays a female character — one dressed in an outfit so horribly slutty that it makes Snooki look like a Quaker — who gets into a girl fight with Katie Holmes.
I honestly wanted Tom Cruise to show up and put a stop to this. Which, given the cameo list above, woud not have been outside of the realm.
7. In addition to the rash of cameos, “Jack and Jill” also boasts non-stop product placements for businesses ranging from Match.com to Royal Caribbean.
There is literally one scene that consists solely of some guy saying “Welcome to Royal Caribbean International.” (Did I mention that the movie also appears to have been edited based on whenever the person making scene-to-scene cuts happened to sneeze?)
8. In the most prominent product placement of all time, a major plotline — and, ultimately, full-length commercial — involves Al Pacino hawking the Dunkin’ Donuts Dunkaccino.
In related news, Morgan Spurlock is planning to make a sequel to “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold.” It’s called “The Worst Adam Sandler Movie Ever Sold.”