The newest episode of “Jersey Shore” finds Snooki crying on the phone with her boyfriend — this time for sleeping with Vinny — and Deena aggressively trying to “do sex” with Pauly.
In other words, more of the usual.
We’ve reached the point where Paul “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio is actively trying to bring strange women home in order to keep a drunken Deena Cortese from jumping in his bed after the club. One night, Pauly’s trying to court the ladies, but nothing seems to strike his fancy. The only remaining option is Deena, but Pauly remains uninterested.
The only explanation?
“Pauly doesn’t like meatballs,” Vinny Guadagnino says.
To the thinly veiled delight of her roommates, Deena unleashes a drunken tirade on Pauly for not smushing her. Of course, the next day she says she remember none of it.
While we’re on that subject of not smushing, Snooki is drowning her relationship sorrows in booze through more daytime drinking with fellow meatball Deena. As we’ve seen in the last several episodes, the girls dance on tables at 11 a.m. for people who appear to be vaguely entertained Americans tourists eating lunch with their families. Team Meatball manages to pull it together for the group’s final Saturday night in Italy, though.
And by pull it together, I mean that Snooki flashes her crotch to everyone at the club of choice on that Saturday night. Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola, sick of “mom mode,” decide to be the classy ladies (and former enemies) they are by ditching the meatballs and hanging out by themselves.
Meanwhile, drama brews nearby among the guys, who are getting increasingly frustrated with Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s antics. Understandably so, because he’s ruining the group’s last big night by flipping the bird to numerous angry Italians. Only a guy like The Situation could turn a nightclub crowd into Tahrir Square.
“The crowd’s chanting something like ‘shame, shame, shame,’” Ron Ortiz-Magro says about the enraged clubgoers. Things aren’t going so well for the meatballs either, who are being harassed by a bartender; they retaliate by throwing things at him and then physically fighting with club security.
“We actually have, like, respect for other people,” says Deena during the cab ride home. (Total lie.)
Back at the ranch, the roommates aren’t having any of the drama — especially not Jenni or Sam. So the meatballs decide to roast themselves in the hot tub, stay awake until morning, and hit the streets in Jersey-style club finery in the extreme early morning hours.
“We’re Jersey,” Deena says, “you wish you looked like this at 7:30 in the morning.”
When the girls awake some time later, one of the first things that happens is a Deena-Mike fight over Deena not doing the dishes. This is the same battle Mike likes to wage on a female roommate roughly once a season. Deena falls for it like the others before her, and launches a piece of cutlery across the room at him just before the group’s last Sunday dinner. Oddly enough, the group is able to sit down to a peaceful meal.
It’s immediately clear that the group is over Italy and ready to go home: “I wanna go tanning,” says Pauly.
The calm lasts for about two seconds until Vinny starts trying to claim his room when the group returns to Jersey -- and deprive Sam of a room with boyfriend Ron -- in order to avoid Mike.
“He’s gonna change or leave,” Vinny says to the roommates, who by now almost seem like they’re devising ways to get Mike out of the house. You know, so The Situation can star in his own spin-off.
“I’m probably not going to Jersey,” Mike says to his roommates, who are totally unsympathetic. Not even the guys. Ron, Pauly and Vinny, who usually grudgingly include the Sitch in their activities, won’t show him any amore this time around. Not even during yet another night at the club when drama starts between Mike and a stranger. He leaves the club alone while the others are still enjoying themselves.
What will happen? Is it time to say ciao to The Situation? Tell us in the comments below or by using #Snookinalysis on Twitter.