Justin Bieber (Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

Quoth the Biebs: “For me, it's just like, I like to be in control of myself. I mean, I've had a beer, like, before.... But I never get out of control.”

The uber-confident singer also told GQ that he’s “never made a bad song” (really?) and sticks up for Kim Kardashian, who he claims “actually does do stuff.”

But really the piece, written by Deadspin contributing editor Drew Magary, is less about Bieber and more about what it’s like to be in the isolated singer’s presence for a few hours. Apparently, there’s random singing, very loud music and dry-erase boards covered in crude drawings.

Read Magary’s hilarious account, which is slightly NSFW, here.