Lady Gaga. (Yves Herman/Reuters)

In her first column for V Magazine, which contains some NSFW language, Gaga lectures about fashion, art, inspiration and why she’s smarter than her critics.

“Glam culture is ultimately rooted in obsession, and those of us who are truly devoted and loyal to the lifestyle of glamour are masters of its history,” Gaga, a self-proclaimed expert in the “vocabulary of fashion, art, and pop culture,” writes in her opening line.

You see, Lady Gaga’s got a library card and she isn’t afraid to use it. She even puts references and annotations in her writing. “I’ve done my homework, have you? Where are your library cards? Did they expire?” she asks writers who dare to critique fashion and artists without her expertise. Her column includes two endnotes, including one that explains Bazooka gum (“It’s a retro chewing gum that comes with whimsical stick-on temporary tattoos.”)

After bragging about her library card, she explains (in the most confusing way possible) where the idea for the egg-shaped vessel she arrived at the Grammys in come from: “There is no chicken or egg. It’s molecular. Cells give birth to cells. To put it more bluntly, the Hussein Chalayan vessel I wore at the Grammys wasn’t inspired by a chicken. It was stolen from an egg.”

And this is all on Page 1. Read the rest of the interview, which, again, contains NSFW language, at V Magazine.