Mariah Carey — a pop superstar with an unparalleled ability to hit high notes and exhibit self-involved behavior — is going to be a judge next season on “American Idol.”
As The Post’s Lisa de Moraes reported, this previously rumored fact was confirmed Monday during the TCA summer press tour in an announcement filled with all the excitement one can hope for from a phone call overheard via a Fox executive’s shirt microphone.
I am not a big “American Idol” fan. In fact, tuning into “American Idol” generally falls on my to-do list somewhere below “re-watch ‘Jack and Jill’ ” and “memorize the names of every World Series of Poker winner in history.” But with Carey onboard, I may have to pay attention, because the potential for her to display mind-blowingly diva-like behavior on a regular basis may be too impossible to resist.
Yes, former judge Jennifer Lopez was a diva, too. But Carey is just better at it than Lopez: her eardrum-popping vocal range and her decades spent building a career filled with huge success as well as high drama and self-obsession make her more of a professional in this regard. I mean, she was one of the headliners at the very first VH1 Divas Live concert, okay? This gives her more authority to tell aspiring vocalists that they are too pitchy than any “American Idol” personality in history. And yes, I am including Ellen DeGeneres, as well as former co-host Brian Dunkleman, the “American Idol” equivalent of Chuck Cunningham from “Happy Days.”
Will she be able to “save” “Idol” when it returns to Fox in January of 2013? Educated guessers say no, but no one knows for sure. While it may be hard to predict how the currently less-than-relevant singing competition will perform ratings-wise, it is, however, very easy to forecast the sorts of things we can expect from “American Idol” with the Emancipated Mimi in the mix.
Here’s a sneak peek, presented in a by-the-numbers format:
—Number of tweets per week that Carey will issue to promote her role on “American Idol”: At least 27. Look, she’s already started.
It’s gonna be so much fun working on @AmericanIdol. As a singer-songwriter, I’m excited to help find and nurture new talent. LYM! --MC— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) July 23, 2012
— Number of times per week that she’ll promote her song “Triumphant” and the CD that features it on “American Idol”: 15. Look, she’s already started.
So I can finally announce to you that my new single is coming out early August! It’s called TRIUMPHANT (Get ‘Em) ft. Rick Ross & Meek Mill.— Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) July 21, 2012
— Number of times she’ll break into song at the judge’s table and hit a high note to show everyone how it’s done: Three per episode.
— Number of times Ryan Seacrest will remind us that Carey has spent nearly 25 yars in the business and sold 200 million records worldwide: At least 35 during the course of the season.
— Number of times per episode that Carey will refer to twins Roc and Roe, aka “dem babies”: 87. (Note: This is a conservative estimate.)
— Number of guest appearances by husband Nick Cannon: This is a hard one to call since his gig as host of NBC’s “America’s Got Talent” might make it challenging for him to officially appear on Fox’s “Idol.” Still, I’m going to say at least 30 times during the season, counting appearances in the audience.
— Number of touching montages devoted to the happy marriage between Carey and Cannon: Two, at least.
— Number of in-depth discussions of Carey’s meaningful work in the movie “Glitter”: Zero.
— Number of times an “Idol” contestant will tell Carey that she is his or her idol while Carey displays an expression of appreciative humility: 55 times during the season. (Note: This also is a conservative estimate.)
— Number of references that will be made to that unfortunate pre-breakdown, ice cream truck incident on TRL in 2001: I’m guessing none, but man, I would love for Carey to engage in some self-mockery and reenact that for everyone during the season finale. Yes, I realize this will not happen. But it’s important to have dreams. I learned that from Mariah Carey’s “Butterfly.”