Are you ready to rock with Tom Cruise? (Warner Bros.)

No, time out. I love them more than the next person, and the person standing behind that person, and probably anyone within a 30-mile radius of both of those people.

But even I am not sure I can handle the cheese-athon that is “Rock of Ages.”

In a new trailer for the Broadway musical adaptation, we get: Russell Brand in a mullet, Catherine Zeta-Jones singing Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” and Tom Cruise — shirtless and long-haired — playing the part of hard rock idol Stacee Jaxx. Also, for good measure, there’s a monkey clapping while wearing a bandana.

Oh, the Night Ranger-ness of it all! Watch the clip after the jump, assuming you can handle the sight of Alec Baldwin looking a little like the lead singer of Whitesnake.