Upon watching the trailer for the upcoming movie “Battleship” — based on the board game you knew and loved as a child — several questions arose.

1. Why did Taylor Kitsch (or as I still call him, Tim Riggins) have to get his beautiful hair shaved off? I mean, I know why. His character joins the military. But couldn’t a beauty exception or long-haired hotness waiver have been granted?

2. During the scene where Liam Neeson berates Kitsch, is anyone else sort of waiting for Neeson to say, “You screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog [expletive] out of Hong Kong”?

3. Is it possible that director Peter Berg is trying to out-Michael Bay Michael Bay here? Because, from a CGI, big mechanized monster perspective, it sure looks that way.

4. Will anyone in this film get to say “You sunk my Battleship”? No one does in the trailer. If the answer is no, I think I speak for all Americans when I say I am devastated and, from this day forward, completely devoid of purpose.

Enough questions. Watch, and weep for the falling locks of Taylor Kitsch.