Kaley Cuoco, People’s Choice host. (Chris Pizzello/AP)

Last night’s People’s Choice Awards was a pretty sub-par trophy-distributing affair, complete with gags that fell painfully flat, a game host (Kaley Cuoco) trying in vain to rise above schlocky material and a non-stop barrage of product placement so intense, it even compelled Judd Apatow to mention CVS in his acceptance speech for “Bridesmaids.”

It’s tempting to say the whole thing was forgettable. Except that moments from the two-hour exercise in entertainment-praising nonsense are still rattling around in my head today.

People’s Choice Awards, why must you leave behind so many lingering questions? Questions like...

Who thought it was a good idea to seat Robert Pattinson next to Betty White?

(Christopher Polk/GETTY IMAGES FOR PCA)

Whoever it was, I say bravo. We all know Edward Cullen is, in reality, a much, much older man. Way older than Ms. White, who turns 90 next week. Plus, look how cute they look together.

Was Kaley Cuoco a good People’s Choice host?

(Chris Pizzello/AP)

Honestly, it’s hard to tell. No one can host the People’s Choice Awards and truly excel because of the task at hand: emceeing a shiny, non-stop sales pitch disguised as a reflection of multiple pop cultural grassroots movements. Until the host is permitted to make fun of the whole enterprise, no one will officially be dubbed a “good” People’s Choice Awards host.

Another Cuoco question: what did she mean when she introduced Rob Schneider and Cheech Marin by saying, “I don’t care what anyone says. These next two guys are funny”?

Since they are starring on an upcoming CBS sitcom, I assume she meant this as a compliment. But it was kind of a backhanded one, right? In which case, Cuoco just might have some potential to make fun of this whole enterprise.

Why did Jimmy Fallon, winner of Favorite Late Night TV host, pretend to host a forum on television in which he “analyzed” the medium with a fake deer, a robot and a plant?

I fear this will remain an eternal mystery.

What was going on with Zachary Levi’s hair?

The “Chuck” star was definitely rocking a faux hawk. Maybe he’s had this ‘do for a while and I just missed the memo. Hence, I was a little surprised. And also, secretly hoping the new look meant that he would announce his plans to compete in this year’s Winter X Games.

How did Demi Lovato win Favorite Pop Artist?

I have nothing against but Lovato, per se. But she was competing against Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Katy Perry, all of whom are huge names with massive numbers of Web-savvy fans who can easily figure out how to vote online. I guess the answer is obvious: those fans simply didn’t want it enough.

And how did the People’s Choice Awards manage to make even the “Parks and Recreation” cast seem less funny?

The show wasn’t even nominated for anything but they still showed up in a bit where they showed off their “hidden talents.” It wasn’t funny by “Parks and Rec” standards, but, since we’re grading on a People’s Choice Awards curve, I’d say it was the funniest moment of the night. The people — fine, just this person — have spoken. And that makes it so.