Like most of Em's disses, "The Kiss" follows a familiar pattern: Take on an easy target, recap what everyone else was thinking a year ago in the most offensive way possible, sit back and watch the attention roll in. It's an approach that has seen diminishing returns over the past few years. Eminem's shaming of Christina Aguilera made headlines back in 2000. His latest attempt to start a beef with Justin Bieber ("The Kiss" also claims God doesn't like him. Bieber, that is) has barely made a ripple.
In honor of "Hell: The Sequel," the upcoming Bad Meets Evil collaboration recorded with Royce 5'9 that houses the above takedowns and more, Click Track has compiled a look back at some of Eminem's most mediocre celebrity insults.
Song: “The Warning”
Key lyric: "Enough dirt on you to murder you/…Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?/…Girl you out your alcoholic mind"
Why it's beside the point: It's part of a sub-genre of Eminem songs devoted to strip-mining his alleged relationship with Carey, which took place (or didn't, according to Carey) back in 2001.
Song: “Medicine Ball”
Key lyric: "Put Christopher Reeves on a unicycle with a kickstand/Kick it up and push him and lead him right into quicksand/Here, you need a hand big man?/…Now everybody's [expletive] at me/Like it's my fault his name rhymes with so many different words"
Why it's beside the point: Like many of Eminem's references, it's dated. And if you're going to insult Superman (a frequent target), at least be funny. And get his name right.
Song: “[Expletive] Like That”
Dissee: Jessica Simpson, Olsen Twins, Hilary Duff, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Janet Jackson, Gwen Stefani
Key lyric: "If I offend I'm sorry, please, please forgive/For I am Triumph the puppet dog/I am a mere puppet/I can get away with anything I sing/You will love it"
Why it's beside the point: At least two of those are puppets. Even for someone with a history of irrelevant beefs (Ja Rule? Canibus?), it borders on ridiculous.
Song: “Marshall Mathers”
Key lyric: "I'm anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin/With instincts to kill ’NSync/Don't get me started/These [expletive] brats can't sing and Britney's garbage/…Vanilla Ice don't like me/Said some [expletive] in Vibe to spite me/Then went and dyed his hair just like me"
Why it's beside the point: Fish in a barrel. Also, at the time of the song's release, Vanilla Ice hadn't been famous in almost a decade.
Song: “Without Me”
Key lyric: "You can get stomped by Obie/You 36 year-old bald-headed [expletive]/[Expletive] me/You don't know me/You're too old/Let go it's over/Nobody listens to techno"
Why it's beside the point: It's overly defensive, and, given Eminem's relatively advanced age (he's now 38), ironic, but not in a good way.