(Charles Sykes/AP)

But thanks to you, that could change any second now! They’re having an open call, it looks like, for the new Voice of the Duck. So if you have any, er, offensive remarks about major disasters left in your system, get them out now!

Someone who might need this sort of gig (or, really, any paying gig) right now is James O’Keefe, prankster extraordinaire, who just sent out an only slightly frantic-sounding fundraising letter that only three times mentioned that he and his co-conspirators had racked up “serious” credit card debt and that they needed $50,000 RIGHT NOW, PLEASE, NOW, only slightly bolded and in slight italics. James, if you’re reading, you could be the Voice of the Duck! Think of all the ways that could go well!

Yeah, I can’t think of any either.

If you would prefer to keep your power to make inappropriate jokes (speaking of Little Mermaid-esque tradeoffs), there’s a caption contest for the Tom Toles cartoon you could enter instead, but it only pays with honor and a framed print of the cartoon in question.