The Washington Post

Breaking up with Grover Norquist

We’ll send some ice cream? (Haraz N. Ghanbari)

Yet another Pledger has fallen.

Sen. Lindsey Graham. Sen. Bob Corker. Sen. Saxby Chambliss. Rep. Peter King. All wavering in their commitment to Sparkle Motion — er, I’m sorry, to the famed Norquist Americans for Tax Reform no-tax pledge.

Are these great trees, falling in isolation? The Fix seems to think so. Or are they dominoes, starting a slide?

One thing’s for sure: I haven’t seen this many people inching away from the pledge since one really dire afternoon in the Temperance Movement.

The hardest part of breaking up can be figuring out the words. Do you use words? Maybe he’ll take the hint if you stop calling and, eight years later, show up married to someone else. That seems direct. Or maybe you could just leave the country.

For everyone else, there are break-up lines. Here are a few that might be appropriate to the situation with Grover:

“Read my lips: No.”

“It's not you. It’s means."

“I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to allow this relationship to lapse.”

“Look, I don’t like taxes either, but to define something is to limit it.”

“You’re amazing, but we’re just not ready to be tied down right now.”

“When you boil fish in a coffee pot, every coffee that you make thereafter tastes like fish.” (I don’t know what this means, but suggested it and it sounds imposing.)

“Let’s just focus on keeping the magic between us day to day, and not lock ourselves into anything we’ll regret later.”

“The arc of history is long and bends toward justice. The arc of this relationship is long and bends away from you.”

“We’re going to make like a lame duck and limp away slowly from this relationship.”

“Us together, we’re like “Liz and Dick”! Not the people, the Lifetime movie. Which was AWFUL!”

“We need to focus on our careers.”

“Grover is still my favorite muppet?”

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".


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