The Washington Post

Chris Hansen’s video sting capture: a Q&A

Q: Chris Hansen was caught in a video sting? Dateline: To Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen?

A: Yes. Live by the video sting, die by the video sting!

Q: But if someone conducts a video sting and catches Chris Hansen, who steps out from behind the kitchen island and says, “Hi, I’m to Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen?”

A: Can God create a rock God cannot lift?

Q: What?

A: Those two questions are equally impossible to answer.

Q: How did they find out?

A: The National Enquirer is reporting that it has footage of Hansen rendezvousing with a woman who is not his wife but who is, at least, of legal age.

Q: Why do we believe the National Enquirer?

A: They know this stuff. Guys With Well-Maintained Hair Who Cheat on Their Wives is to the National Enquirer what Things We Hear the Kids Like is to the New York Times.

Q: So who was the other woman?

A: She is a 30-year-old news anchor.

Q: Nuts! I was really hoping the past few months of dating were just to provide fodder for the sting mission, and that secretly she is a 60-year-old man in New Mexico. Live by the video sting, die by the video sting!

A: I’m actually kind of cut up about this.

Q: Are you feeling sorry for Chris Hansen? Are you wondering who will nail the real criminals?

A: No. That is John Walsh’s job.

Q: Then what? Are you musing on the subtle irony that a man who built his life on capturing people’s personal nadirs on camera would meet his own downfall the same way?

A: Worse than that!

Q: What?

A: For years, I plotted the alibi, “Are you kidding me? I just showed up here with six bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade because I was really hoping to meet Chris Hansen.”

Q: I see.

A: “I would never do anything inappropriate with a minor!” That won’t work now.

Q: I don’t think it was ever going to work.

A: The trick is showing a lot of enthusiasm when Chris Hansen walks out from behind the kitchen island!

Q: (nervously) It sounds as though you’ve been thinking about this a lot.

A: Live by the video sting, die by the video sting!

Q: Yes, you’ve said that.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".


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