The guy in the middle won’t stop e-mailing me! (Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP Photo)

Listen, Barack Obama, or whoever “Barack Obama” of is, you need to stop. Now. This is an intervention.

On the eve of the 2012 election (well, not quite eve, but close enough), the feelings of the Young Hopeful People who supported Obama in 2008 can be summed up in a sentence: “President Obama, please stop sending me these weird e-mails.”

Take notice, Info@. It’s not that the Youth Of America don’t want to have dinner with President Obama, or even that we wouldn’t give him $5 if pressed. But if we’re to be honest, all these messages are sort of creeping us out.

In fact, viewed as a whole, they land the President on a creepiness level somewhere above those people who smile unblinkingly at you on the bus and below the Burger King mascot.

Here are some excerpts. (I’m not on the list; thanks to my friends who are for alerting me to these.)

From: Barack Obama<>
Date: Wed, Oct 13, 2010 at 3:39 PM
Subject: I want to meet David
To: <redacted>

David —

Two years ago, I met 10 of you.

Nothing says, “I’m enthusiastically going to donate funds to your campaign now” like “I just got an e-mail from the ‘President’ saying he’d met ten of me two years ago.”

This reminds me of those e-mails you get from your uncle just before he snaps. “Dear Alex: Three months ago, four of you came up to me and told me you were planning to send me $60 in unmarked bills.” If anything, it’s a cry for help.

And speaking of creepy:

From: Barack Obama<>
Date: Thu, Jun 2, 2011 at 2:12 PM
Subject: Tap
To: <redacted>

Jillian —

Someone is about to tap you on the shoulder.

Excuse me?

This is the sort of e-mail that the killer sends you to warn you that he is Coming From Inside the House. It makes you never want to come out of hiding again — especially not to donate money to the Obama reelection campaign.

From: Barack Obama<>
Date: Wed, Aug 31, 2011 at 11:49 PM
Subject: Frustrated
To: <redacted>

Jillian —

Today I asked for a joint session of Congress where I will lay out a clear plan to get Americans back to work. Next week, I will deliver the details of the plan and call on lawmakers to pass it.

Whether they will do the job they were elected to do is ultimately up to them.

I don’t even like the people in my real life who send e-mails with the one-word subject “Frustrated.” But from the president, that’s just sad. This passive-aggressive e-mail has been mocked before.

But even worse is how desperately he wants to have dinner.

From: Barack Obama <>
Date: Wed, Jun 15, 2011 at 12:53 PM
Subject: Dinner?
To: <redacted>

David —

I've set aside time for four supporters like you to join me for dinner.

No? “No” must mean “E-mail me again with the same request!” That’s what everyone’s ex-boyfriend seems to think. And that’s how Barack Obama is increasingly behaving — like America’s ex. (“Remember those good times we used to have together?” he asks. “What changed?”)

From: Barack Obama<>
Date: Wed, Sep 14, 2011 at 12:40 PM
Subject: David, can we meet for dinner?
To: <redacted>

... If this sounds a bit familiar to you, it's because we’ve done this before ...

I bet the next e-mail’s subject will be something like, “Seriously, David, this dinner e-mail tag is getting ridiculous” or “David, come on now, I know you’re free Tuesdays” or “FINE, BE THAT WAY, DAVID.”

He’s not in all caps yet. But he’s getting there.

Look, when everyone signed up to donate for Hope and Change, they weren’t expecting these escalating e-mails with subject lines like “Big Things” and “David, will you stand with me?” Even leaving aside the fact that these sound like songs cut from “Les Miserables,” this is starting to worry us. “Tap”? “Frustrated”?

“Someone is about to tap you on the shoulder?” I got an e-mail like this in sixth grade, and it included the warning that if I didn’t forward it to 25 friends, everyone I loved would die of bubonic plague.

Stop sending these things! You’re worse than my grandmother, and she still has AOL!

Look, President Obama, we’re just trying to help. The last thing you want is to be “that millionaire with a Kenyan name who sends torrents of e-mails asking us to wire him money.” That never works out well.