On The Post’s Under God blog, Elizabeth Flock drew out Harold Camping’s calculations that predict the May 21 end of the world.

But I know better.

Here are the actual numbers Harold Camping used to calculate the arrival of the End.

Jesus = #1! +

Guy in Wisconsin eats 25,000 Big Macs +

.000003 = Odds life without Oprah will be worth living +

\$54,808,297 = Domestic gross to date of the movie “I Am Number Four” +

4 = The Number That I Am +

34 = Number of times I have awakened in the middle of the night with a really good thought I should have written down +

2012 = the year it is next year +

June 18, 2011 = expiration date on this can of peas I happen to be holding +

559-3827 = phone number that showed up in my phone under the name Not Jonathan +

6 = number of times I’ve seen “Pretty Woman” and cried +

30 = number of times I’ve seen “Pretty Woman” +

1 = number of times I’ve seen “Pretty Woman” and choked up a little bit but I think it was allergies +

Rosebud +

59 = Stephen Hawking’s age

37 = copies of “Life’s Little Instruction Book” I’ve given to people for graduation because I forgot to buy gifts that weren’t terrible +

2 = cast members of “The View” who remind me of my mother +

07734 = number you can type into your calculator to make it look like it’s talking to you +

3,444,9 = I assume the total number of bears in North America +

8 = optimal height for a Christmas tree, in feet +

8! = I just really like the way this number looks like it’s wearing a belt +

-40320 = In my enthusiasm for the number 8, I wrote it with an exclamation mark, making it a factorial and throwing off the calculation! +

1 = number of times I’ve been wrong about the world ending before +

8 = I really like this number +

21 = hit album by Adele +

- 49669598.000003 - e = number God whispered to me once in a dream

= 5212011

May 21, 2011!

Clear as pie!