The Washington Post

MC Hammer’s great idea — WireDoo, the new Google

Mr. Hammer (Nancy Andrews/THE WASHINGTON POST)

That happened to MC Hammer recently.

His solution? WireDoo.

It’s – a new search engine, apparently.

It is like Google, but unlike Google, it was created just now by MC Hammer. That was all Google was missing!

Whenever I Google things, I think, “Gee, these results are pretty relevant, but I wish MC Hammer were more involved.”

To be fair, it’s easy to see where he got the idea. “Like [Website That Exists Already] but with my name on it!” is exactly how they came up with Google+. Look for WireDoo+ to hit Internets near you!

WireDoo focuses on something called Deep Search. (I sent a Twitter message to Mr. Hammer asking for further information on Deep Search, and I now worry that I’m on a list of People Anthony Weiner Is Barred From Contacting On Twitter.)

WireDoo promises to “go beyond the generalities that give you more relative information in a consistent way in a new environment.” I feel more informed already!

This is possibly the greatest thing ever, and I intend to use WireDoo for all my searches. Unlike Google, it focuses on data relationships, Mr. Hammer said. That sounds like something we need more of, whatever it means.

There's already a parody site, WiredDoo, which returns an MC Hammer video no matter what you look for. It can become quite existential, especially in response to questions like “Is this all there is?”

MC is wise. Rap? Please. Not everyone listens to rap anymore. Some people are wimps who listen to Adele on vinyl while writing letters to their TV stations to complain about how everyone in the cast of Last Man Standing is some sort of troglodyte. You want people to stop and take their Hammer time? You have to be a search mogul.

I hope this marks the beginning of a trend with other similar Web sites. I want Avril Lavigne to try to provide me with a social network. I want the cast of Boy Meets World to sell me group-based coupons.

“Did you see that Groupon IPO?” Vanilla Ice will murmur. “I gotta get in on that!”

What’s a ’90s celebrity to do? You can’t admit to having peaked in an era whose landmark online achievement was the Hamster Dance.

Besides, few sentences inspire more confidence in your search results than “This search engine is the brainchild of a rapper from the ’90s.”

But at least he’s not in any ads for pistachios. Yet.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".


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