Michele Bachmann gets things straight on gay marriage

Jane Schmidt, a student at Waverly High School, in Waverly, Iowa, recently asked Michele Bachmann, “Why can’t same-sex couples get married?”

“They can get married,” Bachmann responded, “but they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.”

(In Iowa, same-sex marriage is the law, at least for now, but never mind that.)

She later expanded on this in a response to someone else: “Every American citizen has the right to avail themselves to marriage but they have to follow what the laws are. And the laws are you marry a person of the opposite sex.”

Really?

This is the sound of a thousand heads hitting a thousand desks.

I’m glad Bachmann wasn’t there for history. “Why can’t Rosa Parks sit at the front of the bus?”

“She can sit,” Bachmann would say. “She can sit at the back of the bus.”

I’m glad she isn’t my waiter. “Is there a vegetarian option?”

“The vegetarian option is steak,” Bachmann would say, not blinking an eye.

“Is there a way for people in wheel chairs to access the sixth floor?”

“There’s a way. They can take the stairs,” Bachmann would say, still not blinking.

“There doesn’t seem to be an option for Republicans to vote.”

“Republicans can vote. They can vote Democrat like everyone else,” Bachmann would say, blinking a little in confusion.

“I’d like to find a synagogue.”

“There’s a synagogue right here,” Bachmann would say. “It’s a church.”

“Do you have apples?”

“Yes, I have oranges.”

At first Bachmann’s remark seemed like a peculiar thing to say, coming on the heels of her sensible remark that, “I think we have really forgotten what true tolerance means. True tolerance means allowing people to express themselves and their beliefs.”

But then it made sense.

As Bachmann would say, “We allow you to express different beliefs. You can express different beliefs that agree with us.”

I’m glad she’s here to keep things straight.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".

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