I am, I regret, out of commission with a touch of spring flu. This is in keeping with the time-honored Petri rule that states that the nicer the spring weather, the more likely I am to come down with something. Please, enjoy your day, and urge the news to be slow and not very funny this week.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences."