Unfortunately for doomsday prophet Harold Camping of Family Radio, the world decided not to end on May 21 at 6 p.m.on a rolling basis. He told the San Francisco Chronicle that he was “flabbergasted” and was searching for answers, which he will soon supply on the air.
In case he needs help with this, here are a few:
9. Mayan 2012 Apocalypse called and was very upset, comparing this planned event unfavorably to those sort of friends who bump up their wedding date and steal all your guests.
8. God was just joshing with us. He loves a good prank! Remember those dinosaur skeletons He whimsically hid among us?
7. God opted to send a Pawlenty candidacy instead, which He described as “like the Rapture, but more soporific,” adding, “Soporific is one of those words that sounds a lot more fun than it is. Like baggage carousel. Or capers!”
6. The Rapture did happen! It just turned out that nobody was “Rapture Ready.”
5. Until Camping can figure out how to make the money come with him, God has kindly agreed to keep putting off the Summoning of Souls.
4. God really wanted to see who is going to win on “The Voice.”
3. God decided to fire Julie Taymor, reinstate the Green Goblin and bring in a new creative team before calling the whole thing off.
2. Someone keeps accidentally hitting the snooze button.
1. Sure, the world may not be over, but with Oprah about to go off the air, is there really any point anymore?