Release the beer! (KEVIN LAMARQUE/REUTERS)

America finds itself between a rock and a hard place this November.

The perennial question: “Which candidate would you rather have a beer with?” has no good answer.

Would you like to drink beer near the candidate who cannot drink with you but will sit there politely as you finish? “No,” he’ll say, grinning, “can’t beat a good water! I am just fine!” As any self-respecting beer drinker can tell you, this is not the recipe for a fun evening out. The only thing worse than drinking by yourself is drinking next to someone who is pointedly not drinking. Drinking by yourself may be a sign of a serious problem. Drinking next to someone who isn’t just makes you feel like you have a serious problem.

Or would you prefer a beer with the candidate who refuses to release the secret of his brews to the American people?

The Obama White House brews its own beer — and yet, in spite of a petition and even a FOIA, it refuses to release its recipes.

I oppose beer opacity, except in Guinnesses. I am a believer in beer transparency. This is not to say I am a fan of transparent beer. I avoid Bud Lite if at all possible, along with PBR, if only because it is to hipsters what salt licks are to deer.

But in spite of nearly 4,000 signatures on the petition — to be found here — the White House has made no move towards transparency. What are they hiding? What is this knowledge that must be kept from the home brewers of America? Also, how is it that the same White House that leaks so many Vital National Security Secrets, angering the SEALs, can manage to clamp down so tightly on a beer recipe? Whoever is in charge of putting things in the Leak and Not To Leak piles really needs to reorganize the priorities. That, or put the beer guy in charge of national security information.

And give us the recipe.

Otherwise, the beer question will remain a dead heat.