The Washington Post

Safety first! No water guns at Tampa GOP convention. Just regular guns.

A harmless toy. (AP Photo/Port Authority) (AP/AP)

Water guns kill people.

At least this seems to be the thought of the attendees at the upcoming GOP convention in Tampa.

ABC reports: “While no handguns will be allowed inside the convention, which is being protected by the Secret Service, concealed carry license-holders will be able to carry their weapons in the streets surrounding the convention.

“They will not, however, be able to have ‘super soaker’ water guns, sticks, poles, portable shields or glass bottles.”

Well, so much for the Wet Unflattering Red Pantsuit Contest to which I was looking so forward.

There goes my Captain America costume!

Guns are fine. But poles are really threatening.

When conventioneers walk down dark streets late at night, they scoff when guns are pulled on them. Guns are things patriots carry to keep you safe from charging elk, redcoats and small varmints. Poles — that’s a different story.

Sticks and stones and glass bottles can break bones. But guns — those are notoriously safe.

But water guns? They’ve won half the battle — they have “guns” in the name, and you can buy them without a license of any kind and wave them in public. Why ban those?

Maybe the Wicked Witch of the West is going to be in attendance after all.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".

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