Somebody that they used to know? (The Salt Lake Tribune is coming by later to have its friends collect its records and change its number, and then it will act like you never happened and that you were nothing, and it doesn’t even need your love and intends to treat you like a stranger and if you feel so rough, well, you brought this on yourself.) (Bill O'Leary/WASHINGTON POST)

It’s not personal. Well, of course it’s personal. But this is an objective decision. It’s not that you dislike the person. You can see that he had his merits. Once. That was what initially drew you to him, and you do not regret those days. Your first judgement was correct.

But then he changed.

It is not your fault that he has changed. It is his.

He is no longer the man who captivated you. You don’t know who he is anymore. And if he thinks he can take you for granted — well, forget it. You are never, ever, ever getting back together, and all that. He will find his belongings in a box, to the left.

Yes, the Salt Lake Tribune has just endorsed — President Barack Obama.

I intend to use this as the template for all future break-up letters.

It starts off gently.

Nowhere has Mitt Romney’s pursuit of the presidency been more warmly welcomed or closely followed than here in Utah. The Republican nominee’s political and religious pedigrees, his adeptly bipartisan governorship of a Democratic state, and his head for business and the bottom line all inspire admiration and hope in our largely Mormon, Republican, business-friendly state.

But it was Romney’s singular role in rescuing Utah’s organization of the 2002 Olympics from a cesspool of scandal, and his oversight of the most successful Winter Games on record, that make him the Beehive State’s favorite adopted son. After all, Romney managed to save the state from ignominy, turning the extravaganza into a showcase for the matchless landscapes, volunteerism and efficiency that told the world what is best and most beautiful about Utah and its people.

In short, this is the Mitt Romney we knew, or thought we knew, as one of us.

And then comes the turn.

“Sadly, it is not the only Romney . . . ”

And then the editorial starts punching and doesn’t stop for several more paragraphs, at which point it has flung all Mitt Romney’s belongings out the window onto his new car.

It goes on to make the case for Obama, then comes roaring back to administer a final kick to Romney.

This is how to dump someone. Ouch. It sounds as though the Salt Lake Tribune will be keeping the cat.