If there’s one thing that makes me furious, it’s when people serve me last in a restaurant.

”HOW DARE YOU!” I bellow. ”You, sir or madam, are an unmitigated cad!”

The only thing I enjoy more than being generally served first in restaurants is getting to complain about how little I make on the dollar, compared to the average man.

“Here, have an equal salary,” my boss says.

“Are you kidding me?” I shoot back. “And lose my ability to complain that I only make 80 cents on the dollar compared to most men? What kind of misogynistic monster are you?”

My hobbies are making emotional choices and having my reason clouded by my emotions. Sometimes I will sit in a room for hours making decisions that won’t advantage my career, just to keep in practice.

“Society treats me differently because I am different!” I shout. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I am Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams’s idea of a woman. At least, according to a blog post on Men’s Rights that he posted earlier today on his blog and then removed when the Internet became upset. Here’s a quote:

The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It’s just easier this way for everyone. You don’t argue with a four-year-old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don’t argue when a women tells you she’s only making 80 cents to your dollar. It’s the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

Sure, there’s been a lot of yelling about Adams’s post. And it’s true — as Adams, or someone pretending to be Adams, pointed out — as emotion increases, reading comprehension decreases.

So he deleted the piece, perhaps hoping it would go away. But the Internet is like a lady elephant — it never forgets, and it doesn’t like it when you compare women to children and the mentally disabled.

If his point is that perhaps society treats men and women differently because they are, well, different, that’s not the way to make it. Sure, men and women are different. In an ideal society, they would be treated equally — not identically, but fairly, given the same chances and the same playing field. Scott Adams seems to think we’re essentially there now. Men don’t have to lug around entire humans for months at a time — but hey, women don’t have to hold doors, so it balances out!

Sounds right! I can’t tell clearly because I have too many emotions!