DC only looks staid and monumental! Or so we claim. (KAREN BLEIER/AFP/GETTY IMAGES)

D.C. is having the most sex in the nation, apparently. Or rather, D.C. residents report having the most sex per capita. That’s a subtle but meaningful distinction. Perhaps our number is higher. After all, most D.C. sex scandals begin with underreporting, not overreporting. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Bill Clinton informed us.

Seventy-five percent of Washingtonians say they are sexually active, which places us ahead of the other nine cities polled. Then again, 70 percent said they wished they were more so, so I guess there’s no pleasing everyone.

For the most part, this is a silly survey, and it is likely to be wildly inaccurate. But I think it captures a certain characteristic of this city with great accuracy.

People for many years have sought a phrase to describe the District. Washingtonians. DCites. Quadranters. Someone wise once called D.C. a city of student council presidents. But as a way of characterizing the District’s population, I think “People Who Would Report In A Survey That They Had A Lot of Sex” is fairly spot-on.

This is distinct from people who actually have a lot of sex — probably in Ohio somewhere — and people who don’t enjoy telling survey-takers about their private lives. The intersection of people who love answering questions about their personal lives and would like to portray themselves as doing a lot of euphemizing encapsulates the so-called D.C. Spirit rather nicely.

Everyone says that D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people. And, like us, L.A. reports a high incidence of sex. They claim the highest number of annual incidents of sexual activity — but not the highest rate of satisfaction. (That distinction belongs to Philadelphia. Philadelphia? Really? I went to Philadelphia once and it seemed like a staid sort of place, but I guess that was because none of the fun people were able to step outdoors.) So perhaps one might have to rechristen D.C. “Hollywood for ugly people with less active self-reported sexual lives but a higher rate of sex per capita,” but that would be sort of a mouthful.

Relatedly, USA Today notes that the most popular exotic location for these trysts was motor vehicles. (I guess “Oval Office” and “The Internet” didn’t make the list.) That might explain this recent incident on the Beltway, although I am tempted to believe that nothing will ever fully explain this incident.