This is not merely a candidate. He is Someone! (Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

How did former White House gate-crasher Tareq Salahi decide to run for governor of Virginia?

In his own words: “I woke up thinking, ‘Someone should do this.’ And I thought, ‘Wait a minute. I’m someone!’ ”

This is an auspicious start. I hope he emblazons this phrase on his campaign merchandise. “Wait a minute. I’m someone!” is about as good as it gets, catchphrase-wise. “I think, therefore I am,” has nothing on it. Too deep. It reminds me of the immortal words of Pope John XXIII: “It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the pope.” But Mr. Salahi is not merely the pope. He is Someone.

Salahi said he was returning to his true loves — politics, horses, and wine — which is not quite how any candidate for Virginia governor has put it since the days of Thomas Jefferson.

This comes on the heels of the news that The Mighty Cuccinelli, current attorney general of Virginia and also in the running for the governor’s mansion, is suing Mr. Salahi to protect the public from his wine tours business. “Cuccinelli alleged that Salahi’s wine tour business canceled tours, failed to make promised stops and refused to provide refunds,” The Post reported. For some reason this gives me a vision of unhappy Grouponers hurtling through the Virginia countryside on a speeding wine tour bus that refuses to let them get off. When the bus finally runs out of gas, one beleagered wine tourist (is that the term?) goes staggering out to beg assistance of passing drivers. “Please,” he gasps, “or we’ll be stuck on the Salahi Wine Country Tour Bus forever!”

But maybe I’m just getting carried away by the Cuccinelli retelling.

It’s been a rough few years for Tareq Salahi. First there was that gate-crashing spectacular. Then his wife, Michaele, and her spare A left him for a member of a rock band. Then he came under fire for charity involvements.

But you know what they say: When you’re flat on your back, there’s nowhere to go but run for governor of Virginia. Or something.