I was opposed to Teddy’s win — these devoutly wished consummations tend to take the steam out of TV shows, as anyone who rooted for Niles and Daphne can tell you — but now that it’s happened, there’s no use objecting. This is why I have to be so punctual to weddings.
So where do we go from here?
A few suggestions:
— Add another president to the race. Sure, it’s Mount Rushmore, but you can add things to Mount Rushmore. When Cary Grant was added to Mount Rushmore, it resulted in a great movie. How about Andrew Johnson or Richard Nixon? Or, heck, Rutherford B. Hayes? If nothing else, it will be a good exercise in figuring out which presidents are still recognizable enough to caricature.
— Add other characters to the race. Why should presidents have all the fun? Get Darth Vader in there!
-- Add anthropomorphic concepts to the race, like “The Economy” and “The Occupy Movement.”
— Include other D.C. fixtures like pandas and, uh, panda-related hype, and Ben’s Chili Bowl and — tourists, and — monuments, I guess, and people complaining about how difficult it is to reach H Street NE to hang out at the hip places there.
— Have D.C. fixtures like congressmen and potholes and Pepco outages join the race. I don’t know how you would incorporate the potholes or the outage, but I’m sure we can figure out something.
— Get rid of the race altogether, and replace it with a presidential knife-fight to the death.