When the winter haze grows
And the students are learning not much, I suppose
And the NEA gets out in buses and goes. . .
They’re accompanied by the Lorax.
And not just the Lorax, that Seuss-y creation
Joins them on their Pro-Lit’racy tour of the nation
But also there’s Mazda, that dealer of cars
Who makes cars for families, singles, and stars
And for every car tested, it makes a donation!
But what is the Lorax?
And why is it there?
And what is it telling those children? You care?
You can read it right here, I’m not making it up
The Lorax, that bearded and sly orange pup
Joins the schoolchildren after they’ve all heard his book
Being read — with inflections! And not off a Nook.
First they read you the book, then the Mazdas arrive
And the Mazda folks tell you to test them and thrive
“That’s the kind of car,” they say, “we think the Lorax would like to drive.”
That’s an actual quote from a spokesman named Dan
And I’m sure that he’s really a nice sort of man
Then the Lorax bounds out and endorses the car
And — although some suggest that this thing goes too far —
I’m intrigued by the things that the Lorax might say
As he sets out, your purchasing habits to sway.
“I am the Lorax
I speak for the SUVs
I speak for the SUVs
For SUVs have no tongues
And their maker is Mazda, whose deftness of touch
Is well known — just a little pollution, not much
That’s what I’m all about, after all, so they say
In that book that they read you all earlier today
Mazdas get great gas mileage, now, I hear
35 Ms per G! The advantage is clear!”
After tie-ins like this, there are words that I’d choose
They all rhyme, but they’re not fit for family news
Are you KIDDING us, Lorax? Have you sold out too?
I’d expect this from Cat in the Hat, but from YOU?
Next the humming-fish will go out hawking the HUMMER
And all this will be an unqualified bummer.
After this, what is left? Who is safe? Who is next?
The Giving Tree signs up for Wall Street PR?
Good night Moon endorse Gingrich? That seems not too far!
IS NOTHING LEFT SACRED? I’m quite truly vexed.
Please don’t do this, you’re leaving us sorely perplexed
I thought that you’d come here to speak for the trees
Not indoctrinate kids to go buy SUVs
I hope something rude happens to whatever guy
Gave the okay to this one; it really won’t fly
Please stop, as the Lorax once said, there’s no need!
Please, halt this madness, you are crazy with greed!
And if you are trying to urge folks to read
Do you think all the kids are so hopelessly dense?
Read the book once yourself: you’ll see this makes no sense.