You’ve changed. (Photo Credit: Universal Pictures and Illumination Entertainment)

When the winter haze grows

And the students are learning not much, I suppose

And the NEA gets out in buses and goes. . .

They’re accompanied by the Lorax.

And not just the Lorax, that Seuss-y creation

Joins them on their Pro-Lit’racy tour of the nation

But also there’s Mazda, that dealer of cars

Who makes cars for families, singles, and stars

And for every car tested, it makes a donation!

But what is the Lorax?

And why is it there?

And what is it telling those children? You care?

You can read it right here, I’m not making it up

The Lorax, that bearded and sly orange pup

Joins the schoolchildren after they’ve all heard his book

Being read — with inflections! And not off a Nook.

First they read you the book, then the Mazdas arrive

And the Mazda folks tell you to test them and thrive

“That’s the kind of car,” they say, “we think the Lorax would like to drive.”

That’s an actual quote from a spokesman named Dan

And I’m sure that he’s really a nice sort of man

Then the Lorax bounds out and endorses the car

And — although some suggest that this thing goes too far —

I’m intrigued by the things that the Lorax might say

As he sets out, your purchasing habits to sway.

Is it:

“I am the Lorax

I speak for the SUVs

I speak for the SUVs

For SUVs have no tongues

And their maker is Mazda, whose deftness of touch

Is well known — just a little pollution, not much

That’s what I’m all about, after all, so they say

In that book that they read you all earlier today

Mazdas get great gas mileage, now, I hear

35 Ms per G! The advantage is clear!”

After tie-ins like this, there are words that I’d choose

They all rhyme, but they’re not fit for family news

Are you KIDDING us, Lorax? Have you sold out too?

I’d expect this from Cat in the Hat, but from YOU?

Next the humming-fish will go out hawking the HUMMER

And all this will be an unqualified bummer.

After this, what is left? Who is safe? Who is next?

The Giving Tree signs up for Wall Street PR?

Good night Moon endorse Gingrich? That seems not too far!

IS NOTHING LEFT SACRED? I’m quite truly vexed.

Please don’t do this, you’re leaving us sorely perplexed

I thought that you’d come here to speak for the trees

Not indoctrinate kids to go buy SUVs

I hope something rude happens to whatever guy

Gave the okay to this one; it really won’t fly

Please stop, as the Lorax once said, there’s no need!

Please, halt this madness, you are crazy with greed!

And if you are trying to urge folks to read

Do you think all the kids are so hopelessly dense?

Read the book once yourself: you’ll see this makes no sense.