When Mother Jones released what it labeled the “Full Secret Video" of the Romney fundraiser in two parts, one or two minutes turned out to be missing.

Shortly after the fabled “47 percent” remark, right after Romney notes that... “but 45 percent of the people will go with a Republican, and 48 or 4…” the video cuts out. The next video starts with him talking about China, a different subject altogether.

After considerable fuss on a number of blogs, Mother Jones updated with a note:

“According to the source, the recording device was inadvertently turned off between these two segments. The source noticed quickly and began to re-record, resulting in an estimated a one-to-two minute loss of tape.”

But what did we miss? I managed to acquire the missing two minutes, and astoundingly, the content of those minutes varies depending on your political views. Observers really do change the object observed! Look from the left, and you see campaign-ending gaffes! Look from the right, and it’s a quote to celebrate.

Luckily, I managed to transcribe both viewpoints. Here is what Obama supporters assume the missing two minutes were:


Mitt: ...and 48 or 49 percent are idiots. Whoops, did I say "idiots"? I meant "idiot peasants." And they're so hard to saddle. But that's okay: I have a horse. Rafalca. He he, I just like to say that out loud. I have a horse. An actual horse. Some people just have horses on their shirts.

Hoo boy, terrific.

Here's something I like: Nickelback. Nickelback is great. I have a soft spot in my heart for them because Taggart was conceived to the sound of nickels clinking together. I have several records of money clinking together which I find put me in the mood for carnal relations when Ann decides it's that time of the year again.

Here's a joke: What's the only thing better than Nickelback? Quarterback! That's a joke that involves money.

A few more things. Corporations are people. Corporations, in fact, are sexy. I am sexually attracted to corporations.

Once, when I was in France, not drinking alcohol or caffeine, I met a French corporation and well, let's just say, that was the ticket.

Which reminds me: I'm a racist.

In conclusion, I hate America. If elected, I will put your dog on the roof of my car.

Every scary thing you've ever heard about Mormons is true.