11. I’m as set on you as the GOP isn’t on Mitt!
10. I love you as much as Ron Paul hates the Federal Reserve!
9. I want to do to you what President Obama wants to do to the economy! (This one’s bipartisan!)
8. I’d Google Santorum for you.
7. Red States are red. Blue States are blue. I forget where I was going with this, but I think we need to break up.
6. I will love you longer than a speech by Newt Gingrich.
5. I love you as much as Newt Gingrich loves Newt Gingrich.
4. I may be federal, but I’m not reserved.
3. Baby, on a scale from 1 to 9, you’re a 9-9-9.
2. If I described in detail the things I would like to do to you, it would make Rick Santorum very uncomfortable.
1. I don’t approve of Congress, but in your case I’ll make an exception.