Virginia’s House of Delegates on Tuesday passed a bill that would give fetuses all the rights of a citizen of the state of Virginia. The statute would have the effect of making sure “unborn children at every stage of development enjoy all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of the commonwealth, subject only to the laws and constitutions of Virginia and the United States, precedents of the United States Supreme Court, and provisions to the contrary in the statutes of the commonwealth.”

That seems a tad broad.

“At every stage of development”? Every stage? Sure you don’t want to be a little more specific? I’ve discussed this before, but that had better apply to The Knowing Gleam in Daddy’s Eye. It’s only a matter of weeks before the culture war pushes the barrier back so that, once you’ve intimated to your significant other that you might like children, say by passing a stroller and murmuring, “Aw,” you hand over all rights to your body to the state. That seems just, somehow.

And all rights?

Look, it’s hard enough to keep track of all the Virginians exercising their rights as it is – opposing Obamacare and naming highways after Jeff Davis and then changing their minds. But can’t we wait until they’ve, I don’t know, emerged from the womb?

There are so many rights and privileges afforded to citizens of the commonwealth. Next thing we know, those Pre-Born Virginians will be exercising their rights to freedom of assembly or trying to put out small newspapers. Surely mothers are hard-pressed enough without having to address the decline of print media on top of all the morning sickness and cravings for chocolate bacon.

And that’s just one right. Next the pre-born will be trying to exercise his right to freedom of religion. And it’s difficult to fit an entire Mass into a womb – although I regret to say this is not the first time it’s been attempted.

And then there’s the Second Amendment – a favorite of many Virginians – to consider!

Call me old-fashioned. But I just don’t like the thought that the baby on board might be packing heat. But just try amending the bill to say so.

Still, supplying a Glock to a pre-born might be minorly uncomfortable for the mother.

But that seems to be the least of anyone’s concerns.